Dear You,
I think about you almost daily. About how we grew up together, how we went through so many struggles and triumphs, about everything. I think about how life tore us apart, too.
It's not really fair, honestly.
I know we aren't the same people we used to be. I know I let you down a lot. But you let me down a lot, too. I don't know how else to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I'm so pissed at you.
I'm pissed because you left me. I'm pissed because there are hundreds of times when I have reached out to you and gotten nothing. I'm pissed because I'll random think of you and start crying because I don't understand why you're gone. I don't understand how you could just leave me.
I try to understand. You've got this whole life I'm not a part of and I so get that. I get that I'll never be a part of it. I understand that we are going in different directions. I understand that you have a family, now.
But I don't understand why I can't be next you anymore. I don't understand how we went from planning our lives together to not even speaking.
And the very worst part is that there wasn't even a fight. There wasn't an argument, a mistake, or a hurt feelings situation. There was no warning that you were going to go. But I still should have seen you pulling back. I should have known that you were going to leave and I should have tried to stop you.
You were just gone, though. One day you were here, and the next you weren't.
I have all of these things I want to tell you because I know that no one else will get them the way you would. I have experiences I want to share with you. I want to get those matching tattoos. I want to complain about boys, college, and crazy family members with you. I want to get angry at people that hurt you. It's like a part of me is missing-- a part that you filled when you were in my life.
It's really hard for me to think that you're really gone, you know that? I just miss you so much.
I never saw any of this coming and it's killing me. I was always warned about boys breaking my heart, but no one ever told me that friends could break it, too.
I hope you find all of the happiness you deserve and I hope that, one day, you'll let me be apart of it, too.
Love always,
Me
