Oh failure, I fear you.
When it's late and I'm tired and I want to lie down I go on because
I fear you.
You bring with you when you come
Friends I fear no less;
Inadequacy.
Incapability.
Impotence.
And your entrances always waft with
The scent of broken dreams,
An intoxication concoction of 'what if's and 'could have been's.
It would be easier if I liked you because then I wouldn't try so hard,
But maybe then I'd find myself someone that I'm not.
I fear you
Shape who I am in ways that only my mama should;
I guess
I fear failing her as well.
And I know you're here to teach me, but
It would be nicer if I knew it all from the start.
I wouldn't spend as much time bleeding, bleeding from the heart when
You come around to see me get it wrong:
There's too much at stake to be wrong.
You never announce your arrival,
Coming quickly one day and
Departing
Quite
Conversely.
Hot, cold, hot, cold,
I wish you would just be straight with me.
I never know when to put out new sheets for you;
You've been here so often lately, I might as well give you a key.
I have to hope that
One day you will tire of me, you will find someone new
One day you will have taught me all that
You could do.
(But it never occurs to me that I could let go of you, instead)
One night we'll fight
And you will take all your friends to a pub down the road and
Drown yourself in someone else's untold
Mistakes,
Screaming to the heavens
LIFE DOESN'T COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS!
Only the expectation that they exist.
Maybe a day will come
When I can say
I fear you,
no more.
Or maybe you'll move in,
Make a home,
And we'll dance around madly until one of us gives in
Liberated, ecstatic
That the other is finally gone.
