Hi there,
I've never understood you, and I never thought I would have to. The anti-drug assemblies in grade school always seemed so far away from my life, and then you came along. I never saw it coming, and I never thought you'd come to me. I wasn't from the places where I thought I'd have to deal with you, but there you were, inside my home and a part of my family. You were the sibling I never asked for, You are cocaine.
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I know that drugs are everywhere and thinking that I lived in a world where I'd never deal with you was naive of me, but who would blame me. I grew up in a tiny suburb with a family of four. I played sports, I danced, I did karate, I thought you were no where in my life. Then, there you were.
Dealing with you at home, it was heartbreaking to see the power you have over anyone. You don't care who uses you, you treat them all the same. It doesn't matter to you how they, in turn, treat others in their life. The only relationship that matters to you is the one they share with you. You always come first. Nothing can stop them from getting to you, not their actual children, not their job, not their other family, not their bills. You must be top priority. You didn't care how much I begged them to stop using you. You made it clear you weren't leaving and, when it came down to it, they chose you over me. The only part that was easy for me to swallow was when I was finally free of you.
Moving away from you was liberating. I thought I was done with you for good. I took a deep breath, blinked a couple times, and boom, you wiggled your way back into my life. The only difference was, this time you chose my friends. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that you would again get to the people I loved most, but, again, here you were. How dare you. Honestly, was the first time not enough for you that you had to follow me and come into my new life? Why were you picking on me? What did I do to you? This was the hardest reality for me to face.
No matter where I turn, somehow you're there. I never felt more alone than when you reappeared and all my friends were choosing you. I'm a brave person, but you are the scariest thing ever. They mostly claim you're a "one time" experience, but everyone has that one time and I know you don't go away easily. I never told them but I was terrified that again I would lose the people from my life that I love to you.
However, as hard as it was for me, I began to trust them again, and they promised that it never happened again. It's been months since I thought of you as a threat, but I should know by now that you're a lying snake in the grass. You wait patiently, and you strike when I least expect it. This time you really threw me out of whack. I thought I'd be away from you for a while this time, but I had no such luck. You picked a great person to latch on toto. I thought he'd know I wasn't down for a relationship where you'd be a third wheel. I was done. I cried the whole way home. I called people I never thought I'd call looking for someone to come wipe my tears, and tell me I was better than you and I'm better than those who choose you. I just couldn't believe you were back.
I guess I'll never really get away from you. I don't know why I thought I was above you or I lived in a world free from you, but you've made it very clear to me that I'm not. I hate you, cocaine. I hate you not only for myself but for anyone that's ever met you. I hate you for the people that need you and love you. I hate you for the people that struggle every day to try to cleanse themselves of you. I hate you for their families. I just hate everything about you. If I had it my way, you would disappear so no one would have to live a life with you in it. If you were nice, you would remain that lying snake in the grass until you died form hunger and you were no longer a threat, disappearing forever. You won't do that though and until you do, you're hurting more people than you know. Sure to others, you're not the scariest thing they've come across, you're just a party enhancer. But I see you, I know you, and every day I wish I didn't.
Until we meet again,
Rose
