"Chicken fingers, french fries for them h*es that wanna diss" --Drake

Dear Chicken Fingers,

No matter where I go, I can always count on you, because it's so hard for a restaurant to mess you up. Some could say the same for pizza, but believe me, I've had bad pizza. It's possible.You know what I've never had? Bad chicken fingers. You are reliable, chicken fingers, and you never let me down, whether I am eating you at the airport, the dining hall at my college, or a random restaurant of dubious quality.

Not only are you delicious, but you are also the healthy choice. Chicken is the healthiest of the common meats, healthier than red meat. So when I order chicken fingers, I always think to myself, "Good job, you're really thinking about your health." Chicken fingers are even healthier than chicken nuggets! I did some online research and was actually a little sketched out at what is in fast food chicken nuggets. Chicken fingers, on the other hand, are wholesome and pure. They are less likely to be sold at fast food places than nuggets, which also makes them classier.

Let's talk about how to eat chicken fingers. There is no wrong way. My brother used to eat them with a fork, and I would throw shade at him for it, but you know, we're all on this planet for a reason, and that reason is to eat chicken fingers, so it doesn't really matter how you do it. Chicken fingers are also one of the few foods that can be enjoyed either hot or cold. How many times have you had leftover chicken fingers in your fridge and thought, "Wow, I really don't want to go through the effort of putting them in the microwave"? Ugh, all the time. Good news, chicken fingers taste just as good straight out of the fridge. If you're eating chicken fingers at dinner, and are a slow eater like me, it is comforting to know that two hours into your meal, the chicken finger eating experience will still be the same because the integrity of the chicken finger is upheld. Do you know what isn't good when it's left sitting out? French fries, pancakes, pasta, ice cream, and literally everything else.

Chicken fingers are part of our global heritage. Every culture has its version of chicken fingers: chicken tempura, chicken Parmesan, sesame chicken, schnitzel... When you eat a chicken finger, you are celebrating culture and the history of the world.

So, chicken fingers, I thank you for teaching me more about cultural relativism, about how to be healthy, and how to eat the same food over multiple days than any teacher ever has. I grew up with you, and I (hopefully won't) die with you.

xoxo, Sarah

(Clearly he hasn't had chicken fingers.)