Dear Bystander,
I’m sure you’ve questioned if you were ever going to hear from me again. To be quite honest, I didn’t ever expect to speak to you again. I’ve avoided this day for years, pushing the memories back into the deepest corners of my mind. Sometimes I wonder if you even know why we don’t speak anymore, why I decided to let you be a piece of my past instead of a part of my future. But that’s why I’m writing this letter-- it’s not fair for me to hold this in anymore. Because no matter how much you hurt me, no one should ever be left in the dark as I was all those years ago.
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There’s not a day that goes by that the hurtful and demeaning words of my past race through to the forefront of my mind. There’s not an hour that goes by that doesn’t remind me of all those terrifying moments I had to endure. There’s not a minute that goes by that isn’t affected by this era of my life. I admit, you weren’t the abuser. You didn’t cause the harm, in fact, you were my safety. I felt comfortable and loved by you, and that’s why I entrusted you with the secrets I hid from everyone. That’s why I expected this situation to be no different, I expected to feel loved and comforted but I got nothing back. Instead, you pushed me away. You didn’t want to hear about what was happening to me because it made you uncomfortable, but trust me, the simplest of things no longer were of any comfort to me. Instead of searching for ways to rescue from the ocean of despair and loneliness, you ran. You ran from the person whose world has just fallen apart, and had nothing left but you. I entrusted you with so much information in the hopes that you would help me, but you did nothing. You “didn’t want to hear it.” However, when I realized that the person I loved the most didn’t care, I thought no one would.
I admit, I despised you for years. I blamed you for not getting me the help I desperately needed. I despised you for not reminding me that I was beautiful, loveable, and most of all, wanted. However, years later, I have come to realize that you didn’t deserve my anger and resentment, as much I didn’t deserve the hurt I was put through. My only wish for you is that you have grown to be as strong and willing to help as I wanted you to be. To be strong enough to not run from those who need you, but to be the shining light of grace and mercy that we all need. To be the kind of person who goes out of their way to make sure that justice is being served. We’ve both learned from this experience, and that’s more than enough for me. I no longer resent the person you used to be. Because of this experience, I learned that I’m stronger than I ever thought possible.
From,
An old friend
