Dear Black Friday,

Fuck you.

Once a year, thousands of Americans wait in line in the cold for plasma screen TV's and other useless shit, and we refer to this as fun. Black Friday is a term that gives all retail workers the shakes, where many people believe they are allowed to act animalistic, because they are saving $11 on a pair of jeans. It is the worst "holiday" for me, as someone who works in the monument of consumerism. It is like the blood moon of Roanoke. All of the crazies come out at midnight, and they all have wallets that they just want to empty.

Something I have noticed over the time I spent working in a clothing store, is that people act much more rude and inconsiderate on this horrid day. They are incredibly loud, manic, and chaotic. And for what? It is embarrassing to act this way, and extremely infantile. If you think waiting in lines on Black Friday is tough, try being the cashier. It is tiring, draining, and flat-out annoying to hear customers bitch about how long the line is, or how the clothes should be cheaper. As a retail worker, I can't even defend myself or I could lose my job. So I have to put on a fake smile, insincerely apologize for something I have absolutely notcontrol over, and blow daisies out of my ass to continue making my slave wage.

If you look at Black Friday shopping as tradition, so be it. For some, it is a holiday that people enjoy (God knows why). All that us retail workers ask of you, is to just be respectful and to not act like a psycho. We are trying our best to accommodate every customer who walks through the door. We cannot change prices. I cannot pull another cash register out of my ass to open another line. I cannot sew you a new sweater because we ran out of the size you need. Please be patient and understanding. We are all human here.

My piece of advice, as someone who works in retail: try out Cyber Monday. I can guarantee you, your stress levels (as well as mine) will drop immensely if you just stay at home and save money from your couch. You can stay online all day, without waiting in line in a store or freezing your tits off. Cyber Monday usually has better sales anyway. The best thing about Cyber Monday is that you do not have to deal with any assholes. The people who shop on Black Friday have a tendency to release their inner bitch, because they feel it is justified on this one day a year. Don't be a dick to the people who serve you. Just be a human being and get your shit and leave.

I know to some that might sound rude, but trust me, I have worked on Black Friday for many years now, and people do not know how to handle themselves, especially New Yorkers. We have a mouth, and it gets louder the day after Thanksgiving.

So please, from one retail worker, to a possible Black Friday shopper, just be nice. We just really hate Black Friday, as much as you hate waiting in line.

I would say I hope you have a happy shopping day, but let's be honest, it won't be.