To band girlfriends across the world,

Let's face it – the only cool thing about being a band girlfriend is having the title "band girlfriend." It practically serves as a VIP pass (some restrictions may apply) to our boyfriends' gigs while doubling as a bragging right. I'm also pretty certain that our egos swell up just a little whenever someone asks, "What does your boyfriend do?"

However, I'm not writing this letter to inflate our egos and delineate all the perks and privileges we get as band girlfriends.

Instead, I want to poke a hole in it by posing this question: is it worth it?

Sure, we get to hold his hand while he carries his [insert instrument here] into a bar. We get to listen to a rough recording of what could be a new hit inside his car. We might even be the source of inspiration for their songwriting (it's a bonus if they name a song after us). It's easy to support our men when we ourselves are excited to see progress in their journey as individual musicians and as a band. When we're fortunate enough to recognize that we are dating such talented and passionate people, sometimes we draw a sense of worth and value from that realization.

But what if they choose their band over you? What if they have no other choice but to choose the band over you?

I don't want to create a false sense of dichotomy by presenting an either/or question or scenario. "Who says they can't choose both?" is an obvious rebuttal.

However, there will come a time when they may choose the band over you.

Maybe it's to play at a last-minute gig instead of sticking up to a dinner date planned two weeks in advance or to go on a road tour instead of spending another birthday or anniversary away from you. Sometimes, the choice might even be financial – putting in a huge chunk of their savings towards recording a new album instead of the ring you've been eyeing out for months or investing into a cute little apartment in town. They might choose to live in a grungy, old van instead of settling down with you.

I want to be real with you, ladies. My boyfriend and I fight about this over swollen eyes, text messages, and late-night verbal altercations in parking lots almost every week. Maybe you do too. Nothing drives the stake in further than getting dressed up for a date only to receive a text saying, "We aren't starting 'til 10 p.m., sorry. We got moved back." Planning slowly becomes an obsolete term, a foreign concept to you.

I know that feeling like an afterthought sucks. Feeling neglected and uncared for, even if it was unintentional, sucks. Sometimes my emotions toggle between anger, disappointment, confusion, and sadness. When I hardly get to spend time with him during the weekdays, I juggle those feelings every time he is gone on a Saturday night.

However, I want to encourage you, girls: let's support our men.

At the end of an empty gig full of screwed-up riffs and forgotten lyrics, all they want to hear are the words, "I'm proud of you." Being a band girlfriend is tough, yes, but imagine being in a band with piling financial obligations and an unwritten oath of loyalty to your band brothers (and/or sisters).

Rally behind your musician. Cook him a meal when he forgets to eat. Listen to him when he rants about feeling burnt out. Encourage him when he feels that his hard work has gone to waste. Buy his music, even if it costs you your daily cup of coffee. Shamelessly promote his new record to all your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat friends.

Most importantly, I want you to know that your relationship deserves to be nurtured. You can give all the support you can summon and all the understanding you think he needs. At the end of the day, you are worth more than a shoutout on stage or an all-access pass to your boyfriend's shows. One day, he will have to decide between pursuing a family with you or staying in the band for the long haul. Leaving you for nine to ten months out of a year with two children and yourself to take care of is no joke.

That's when you have to ask yourself if you truly believe in the impact of his music and the purpose of his band. Because if you don't, then maybe it's time for the two of you to reevaluate your relationship.

I sincerely hope that you and your man will make it out unscathed. I hope I do too.

Unfortunately, reality will leave behind wounds – some deeper than others. It's up to the two of you to decide if they're worth stitching together or if patching it up yourself is the best way to say goodbye.

Love,

Ken

(P.S. if you're a musician boyfriend and you're salty about this letter, I encourage you to think deeply about what it is that you want in your life. If your girlfriend is not a part of it, kindly put her out of her misery and let her move on.)