I seemingly lost a huge part of myself in the last couple of years. I did and said things I am not proud of and became someone I couldn't stand to see in the mirror.

I was consumed by this new person that stood before me and I didn't like her. I didn't like who she was or what she believed.

I made a decision to change. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was mine and mine alone.

I made a decision to cut ties from people I once respected and loved because they did not contribute to my growth, but instead sustained life as it was.

I am not okay with complacency. I am not okay with idle hands and idle dreams.

I have goals that I want to achieve and something happened as I entered my mid-20's. I decided I would not settle any
longer for people or things or jobs that were not satisfying for my hungry soul.

I will lose many more people in the wake of my rising. I know this. I know people will judge without even asking why. I have come to terms with that. I have also come to terms with the fact that those people who truly know me, will ask me for truth. They will ask me for clarification. They will not presume to know my life or why I do what I do because they
will crave the truth and in that moment come to me.

For those who don't. For those who sit on the sidelines and are critical... For those who talk behind me and not to me... I have no desire to change your opinion.

I have gotten to a point in my life where if you don't make me feel good, I don't want you around. I am too happy to be weighted with negativity and misery. Those who are happy and willing to smile with me, will do so.

I am done explaining myself to anyone who feels like they can even begin to understand where my shoes have been. I am done explaining myself to anyone who feels like they know more about my life than I do.

I will not explain myself any longer.

I will not defend my character or justify myself.

I will not walk on eggshells because I am afraid of hurting someone's feelings.

I have spent the better part of my years putting other people's happiness before my own and I will still do that (because I am not unreasonable), but I will occasionally put myself first.

It is necessary for my survival.

I love with everything or I don't love at all.

The ones I keep closest know that my emotions are black and white. There is no gray. I either love you and in doing so will lay my life down for you or we are just mere acquaintances. I have not pretended to be someone I am not and I will not start doing that now.

The world is full of people who are selfish and hateful. Although I will never be either one of those things, I have been told I am.

I have been beaten down to someone who believed she deserved nothing from anyone.

And then I woke up.

I woke up and realized I don't have to take that. I don't have to be told I am worthless or made to feel less than.

I love myself, again.

I will never let anyone take that away from me.

You can try as hard as you would like to beat me down to nothing, but a mess of emotions on the floor...
You can try, but I will rise, again.

I will not play the victim and expect pity from people who hear about what I have been through.

I do not need or want sympathy. I have my grandmother's will and my mother's strength.

If you thought the phoenix rising up from the ashes was a sight to see... You haven't seen anything, yet.

I closed a chapter, but the book is far from over and I can promise you, it is going to be a best seller. You just wait and see.