This isn't funny anymore.

Just a year ago, I still thought Trump's candidacy was a publicity stunt or a joke. I laughed at the ridiculous things he said and at his outrageously unrealistic ideas. Even yesterday morning, I thought there was no chance that he would get enough votes to win. Now, I am in shock. This is the worst day of my life, and I have had a lot of bad days. I only recently regained the will to live, and now, my hopes and dreams for a good life in America are basically shattered. In one night, I went from optimistic to devastated. This tears me apart. I love America with all my heart, but this is not the America I believe in.

What happened to American values? Freedom of religion? Equality? For centuries, people have immigrated to the United States for a better life, for the opportunity to raise their children away from violence and oppression, for the ability to freely practice their faith without fear of retaliation. They worked and fought for years to provide better lives for themselves and for their children. But it seems that a large portion of this country has forgotten that. They've been caught up in fear rhetoric and hatred. We could have been stronger together. Now we'll be weaker apart.

Most of us were raised with the idea that America is the greatest country in the world, a nation of freedom and acceptance. All of a sudden, one man decided that America is no longer great. He decided that we need to shut out those who seek refuge in our great nation. He decided that the freedom of religion we all hold so dear doesn't apply to one of the most widely practiced religions in the world. We are a nation of immigrants, yet we want to shut all of them out. The reason America has been so successful in the past is because we have been so accepting. The vast majority of us are descendants of immigrants. Why is it OK to say that immigrants from some countries are better than those from other countries? I don't think that's what our Founding Fathers had in mind.

I dreamed that I would live my life happily in America, that I would pursue a career and eventually be treated as an equal in the workplace. I hoped that I would be able to afford healthcare that allows me to function as a productive member of society, that healthcare would soon be considered a human right. I dreamed of a country where abortions are almost nonexistent because women have adequate sex education and access to contraception. I dreamed that my children and maybe even my sisters would be able to afford a college degree without going into debt, that they wouldn't have to be consumed by worries of not making enough money to get by. I hoped that when I traveled to other countries, I wouldn't have to be embarrassed to say I'm an American or explain that I didn't vote for Trump. I hoped that America would have good international relations, that I could trust my Commander in Chief to maintain what little peace we have. I hoped that I wouldn't have to fact-check every speech our president made. I dreamed that our new president would have detailed plans for improving the lives of all of the people in this country, not just the wealthy, that our middle class would grow, that the gap between the wealthy and the poor would shrink. I dreamed of a country where acts of violence and hate crimes were shocking and not expected. I dreamed of a country in which a hoodie is just something you wear when it's chilly. I dreamed of a country in which all people can trust law enforcement and police shootings are few and far between. I hoped for an efficient correctional system and a much smaller prison population. I hoped for a future in which resources aren't wasted on nonviolent offenders. I dreamed that we, as a country, could accept that we are slowly destroying our environment and take important steps to secure the future of our planet.

Now, I fear. I fear violence and discrimination against Muslims. I fear an increase in racial oppression. I fear the hate, and I fear that it will spread and passed down to future generations. I fear a life of illness for myself and many others without access to affordable healthcare. I fear that tuition prices will continue to rise, and only the rich will be able to afford college. I fear another recession. I fear the plummeting of public education standards. I fear the rate of poverty will rapidly increase. I fear forced assimilation and rejection of diversity. I fear the already falling markets will crash. I fear racial and gender disparity will grow. I fear an aggressive, dishonest, defensive, flaky president. I fear that the constitution will not be upheld. I fear that Americans will flee the country. I fear that I will not live to see the repair of the damage done by Trump.

Today, I mourn the loss of the country I love. This grief fills me completely. I feel as though a piece of my identity has been ripped out from inside of me. I feel like this is one long nightmare from which I cannot wake up. I slept with a puke bucket beside my bed and discovered how difficult it is to cry oneself to sleep while wearing a CPAP mask. I struggled to bring myself to go to class. It almost seems pointless, but I went because it's the only thing I can do. I wonder how people are carrying on as if nothing happened, laughing, smiling, studying. I wonder if there was more I could have done for her campaign. If that would have made a difference. I feel guilt, shock, and disbelief. I feel hopeless, helpless, and ashamed. I weep for the women and children of America. I weep for the Islamic community. I weep for people of color. I weep for Hispanic immigrants. I weep for my family and for my future children. I weep for myself.

In the wake of this upset, we must act. We must do everything in our power to prevent the escalation of violence and hatred. We must educate ourselves about current issues and possible solutions. We must think about the long-term consequences of our actions. We must make our voices heard. Though Hillary Clinton may not be the next president of the united states, we can still make the choice to be stronger together.