Dear Depression,

I know you all too well. You have been there during birthday parties, family outings, friend gatherings and even alone with me in my own room. You have taught me how to feel hopeless, unloved, small, tired, low and especially unwanted. There are days when I forget about you. There are days when I feel remotely happy and OK. There are days when I feel like I'm happy in my own skin, and I feel pretty. And there are days when I feel like I am on top of the world. But you never fail to put me down and squash me back into my shell of numbness.

You have spewed terrible and hateful thoughts into my ears every minute of every day. You have given me the wrong ideas about myself for too long. You have made me push away everyone I cared about and everyone who was trying to help. You even have the audacity to convince me I was the problem, that there was something I was doing wrong. You made me think I was unfixable, and I was too far deep to be helped. I wanted to be free from you, and you wouldn't let me. I was a slave to you and your deviant ways.

You came into my life so early and abruptly but yet so unnoticed. I was so young and innocent; I would have believed anything. I didn't know how to cope or how to even tell someone without wondering if they would think differently of me, that I didn't want to be another teenager going through a "phase." You were looking for your next victim, and you had found me. You stuck to me like glue, and the next thing I knew, you were a part of me. I have to take some part of the blame because I let you in. You were always lurking and looking for trouble. I guess I was just used to you being there. I believed everything you said to me, and for years it was hard to get rid of you. I was like a dog being sucked on by a nasty tick; you just didn't go away. I went through therapy, talked to friends, sought help through the Internet and even called a hotline, but you were so stubborn, and I had to remember you were a part of me, and you were never going to leave.

I will never understand why people refused to talk about you. I don't think people understand how serious you can be. Do you know how many lives you've hurt and taken away? How many parents have to sit awake at night because they're afraid of their children doing something dangerous to themselves? Or how many people have numerously thought about leaving their loved ones because you felt the need to stay there? I have refused to be another victim of your controlling mind game. Having you in my life was the best but worse thing that's ever happened to me. You made me realize that my journey isn't over yet, but it's just the beginning.

Goodbyes are bittersweet, but this one won't be.

Sincerely,

Me