Dear Music,
I really thought we had something. Ever since I started singing I thought this would be it. Whether it was children’s choir at church, my Britney Spears and Nsync CDs of the early 2000s or music class in elementary school, I knew I would always love you. Everyone knew it. There was no denying that despite my questionable level of talent, we were meant to be.
I know the piano years were rough at best, but we made it through. There was something about using an instrument other than my voice that felt unnatural and wrong. I blamed it on the ivory keys and knew that singing was my destiny. I loved the freedom of making music whenever wherever by just opening my mouth.
Middle school chorus was a blast. Together we filled auditoriums with harmonious sounds. I remember that Saturday night in Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square where you and I combined, with the rest of New Edition show choir, put on a spontaneous show for the whole restaurant. We sang and danced and flash mobbed the entire restaurant to a standing ovation. That was the highlight of our relationship.
We hit a rough patch in high school. Things got complicated and it was weird. You had always been there for me, but all of a sudden I could feel us drifting apart. Other things became a priority and I started to distance myself from you. All of the teacher transitions took a toll on us. I had a hard time finding you in the midst of the chaos. It felt like a popularity contest rather than a work of art. I felt like I wasn’t enough for you. You liked the other girls more, and they sure didn’t like me. You became just another status symbol that money and kissing-up to the right people could buy, but I don’t play those games. I didn’t want to fight anymore, so I walked away.
Now I feel empty inside because I feel like you abandoned me in search of something, or someone, better. I don’t think anyone else minded because they were so busy using you to fill a hole in their heart that you just couldn’t fill. You were the cornerstone piece of the puzzle in my heart, and they were trying to fit you in the center where you don’t belong. I hope they made it work because you deserve that much. If not, it doesn’t really matter. You were the one who failed me on those auditions and singing tests. You left me high and dry, so why do I still care?
I have moved on and found something else to fill that space in my heart. I’ll look back on the times we spent together and remember the good times, like when performing with you filled me with a kind of joy words can’t even begin to describe. As for the other times, like the last show choir competition where you were completely absent, I’ll look past them. It isn’t right to hold a grudge so I won’t do it.
I hope that maybe one day our paths will cross again. My love for you was destroyed, but perhaps there’s still a way it can be repaired. I’m trying to find you again, and maybe I will. If not, it’s okay. There are a time and place for everything, and ours was then.
Thanks for the memories, and I hope that you can inspire someone else the way you once inspired me.
