Dear Future Husband,
I don’t know if this will sound as catchy as that song by Meghan Trainor, but I’ll give it a shot.
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Based solely on statistics, I should have met you by now. Maybe we’re close friends, or maybe we barely touched hands at the cash register when you gave me my change, or maybe not. You could be living in Afghanistan for all I know and have no idea that I exist, although if you know who Chuck Norris is or if you have ever watched that cooking show, Barefoot Contessa, you already know my name. I just want to say hello and warn you about a few things.
I’m a very guarded person. I don’t just pick anybody to spend my time with. The walls around my heart are very tall and sturdy and hard to break through (for many reasons), so I hope I will be worth it. When it comes to politics, I lean more to the right. If you do too, that’s great! However, if you don’t, you might get annoyed by all the Ben Shapiro videos I watch. I hate coffee, but I don’t mind the smell, so if you like it, it won’t bother me (but I have a feeling you don’t like coffee, either). I will also race you to the fridge in order to get the last piece of chocolate cake because, let’s face it, that sucker is mine.
Sometimes when I tell a story about something that irks me, I get very sassy. I’m also very blunt at times. Even my parents can’t believe the things I say in front of them. I often don’t know how to be politically correct. My favorite color is purple because it stands for royalty, so you will be seeing a lot of it around the house. I love puppies, so sorry in advance if I bring one home without your permission (but don’t worry if you're allergic because I will always buy one that doesn’t shed). I'm an extremely organized person, too. You'll know by the way I sort my backpack and lay out my clothes the night before. I barely ever need an alarm clock, either. I use the calendar on my desk a lot, but I will always remember your birthday without it.
I do not care about designer clothes and fancy cars. Even if we're rich, paying the bills and saving for our kids’ college comes first. I hate buying shoes, so you may have to nag me about getting a new pair every once in awhile. Speaking of which, I almost always wear gym shoes, so you will have to force me to wear high heels for a job interview. However, I will need no push to buy a pick-up truck one day; I am a hick at heart, so it’s okay if our kids call me a mothertrucker. Also, my friends may not like you. Some of them believe that I generally have bad taste in guys, but I disagree. I strongly believe in compatibility for zodiac signs; I'm a Taurus, so I will assume that you're a Virgo or a Capricorn.
I've never been good at knowing history, but I'll be good at remembering ours. I’ll like it when you wear glasses because they'll make you look even more intelligent, and intelligence is attractive to me. I know at times I will get on your nerves because I forgot to take the garbage out on pick-up day or I keep kicking you off the bed when I’m sleeping. We’ll have a lot of arguments about the same stuff because I’m very stubborn, but you’ll love me anyway. Also if you have a girlfriend right now, I’m already a million times better than her because I’m more loyal than she is. I may not be as pretty or as smart as her, but I am the one who will be your person. Don't even bother giving her the promise ring.
I like to make concoctions with my food, but I am a very clean eater so don’t worry about a mess. I'm afraid of roller coasters that go upside down, and I hate horror movies. I will listen to Hannah Montana until I’m old and gray, and I will never get facelifts to hide my wrinkles. I’ll kill the spiders unless they’re bigger than a bird (that’s where you come in), and we are never EVER getting a pet snake. Ever. I hope Netflix still exists when we’re older, so our kids can experience "Grey’s Anatomy". I hope that I can give you a son to play baseball with, but if I can’t that’s your fault, anyway. Recycling is important to me. I hope you’re satisfied with my cooking (but I prefer to bake), and on Valentine’s Day I’ll try to make those pizza roses for you that I saw on Facebook once.
I will treat you like a king only if you treat me like a queen. I hope that I'll never be too bright or too dim for you. I have a lot of jewels on my crown, but I won't take a few of them off just so you can hold it. I am all for compromise, but I won't compromise who I am for you.
I hope you’ve had a good life so far, and I hope that I can make it better. I hope you are the one. And above all, I hope you exist. Just know that when you pop that special question, I will be ready. I hope that one of your friends will be hiding behind a bush to take a picture of it so I can hang the moment on our wall forever. I just have one requirement: please stay because people always leave.
I’ve told you a lot about myself, but you’ll just have to wait for the rest of me. Don’t you remember? There’s a few walls around my heart that you still have to break through.
Yours truly,
Your Future Wife
