I am surrounded by people in relationships. Every single one of my immediately very close friends is in a relationship. I, shocker, am single. Some people love being single, getting to go out and do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you wish. I, however, hate being single. Especially when I am permanently surrounded by people who are not single, and people who always have someone to cuddle with and talk to at night. Why am I the one, out of everyone around me, that gets to be unloved? Am I untouchable? Is something wrong with me?
Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly happy for my friends who are in loving and happy relationships. I love the fact that they found someone that makes them feel happy, and loved. But I look at them with their significant other, or I hear them talk about how happy and smitten they are, and my heart breaks a little bit more every time. My stomach ties up in knots and I fight back tears as I listen to them talk about their relationships. I want to be that happy. I want to be loved.
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I know that I am loved by my family and friends. I know that there are people that love me. This is an argumentative point from all of my friends when I complain about being single. "You are loved! So many people love you!" I am not loved in the same way that everyone else around me is. I don't have anyone to crawl into bed and cuddle with me until I fall asleep. I don't have someone to kiss me when I am upset or bring me flowers after a long day. I don't have someone to hold me after a panic attack. I don't have someone who is always there.
People always tell me "Oh, your time will come. Just be patient." It's a little frustrating when it seems that everyone around me has found their person. And at 20 years old, I have never dated someone for longer than six months. Am I being too picky when it comes to the people I date? Or am I just the one that is undateable. As time goes on, I feel like people see me as undateable. I know that there is probably someone out there for me somewhere, but I am becoming increasingly more impatient as time goes on and as the people around me fall more and more in love. I want to feel what they feel. I want to be loved like they are loved. I want to have someone to call my own.
