Dear Military Significant Other,
Over the past almost two years of being a girlfriend to a marine I have learned quite a few things about what it takes to date a service member. When I think back on the time that I have spent on this journey I realize the amount of pros and cons to this kind of love. It's not always rainbows and sunshine when it comes to this kind of relationship, but I believe it builds one of the strongest kinds of love and a firm foundation for marriage. With that being said, I have to discuss with you the things I've learned and give some advice I wish I would've been given from the beginning.
Like every relationship in the world, there are rough spots. Unfortunately, I believe that being in a military relationship provides MANY more rough spots than a typical relationship.
First of all there's the long distance. With long distance comes different time zones and no way to have any physical touch. No kissing. No holding hands. Just text messages and FaceTime calls. This can be a plus because you learn to get EXTREMELY good at communication, however sometimes it just gets sad not getting to hold your persons hand, kiss them when they give you butterflies, hold them when they're sad, or feel the comforting warmth of them being next to you. A military relationship won't always offer that, and let's face it, that just stinks.
The second con that is a constant annoyance in my life is all the missed holidays and anniversaries. COME ON NOW. You think holiday's are for family to be together? Tell the military that. You won't understand the pain until you spend a Christmas sitting around watching everyone laugh and talk, and the only thing you can think about is how your other half is across the country without their loved ones. My favorite part is the fact that you just miss birthday after birthday after birthday and all you can do is laugh it off when really there is nothing funny about missing important dates.
How about the heart breaking times when you're out just doing your thing and you start to notice every single couple around you. Laughing, kissing, holding hands, going on dates, or just casually going out to pass the time together. All you think about when you see it is, "wow I wish that was me." It hurts your heart a little but you just have to shake it off, lift your head up, and keep moving forward like nothing is bothering you.
Being in love with a military member can be the most heart breaking experiences you have in your entire life. However, there are perks of being with someone who fights for your freedom and I'm not talking about those perks that necessarily attract the "tag chasers" as they're often called.
Being apart all the time is a huge burden on the heart, but you don't know a strong relationship with amazing trust until you date or marry someone who is 2,000 + miles away from you. You really learn to appreciate each other, not to ever let anything tear you apart. You start to value the little things more and more, and those stupid little fights you used to have all the time become less and less important or frequent.
Not to mention the bragging rights of dating a military man. "My man is so selfless." "My man is so strong." "What does your boyfriend do? Oh that's nice, mine fights for your freedom." Yes, these are the little comments that people roll their eyes at if you over use them, but spitting them out there every once in a while is just too fun to pass up. Your man worked hard for that title, don't be afraid to show it off!
You know how amazing first kisses are? The butterflies you get on a first date? The excitement of going to see your boyfriend? Now imagine those feelings not fading as the years pass? That's what happens when you take on this long distance. Going to the airport to pick your man up, or going to see them after a long deployment never fails to give you a sleepless night or an excitement so big you can only compare it to that of a small child the night of Christmas Eve. That awesome "first kiss", you get to have that over and over and over again. Your relationship stays young and fresh feeling for such a long time, and it's beautiful.
Who doesn't love traveling? Packing a bag and flying off to somewhere that isn't considered your home. You get that excited feeling of a vacation multiplied by a thousand because you also know you're hours away from seeing the love of your life. Dating someone who is stationed in California has led me to traveling and experiencing things I thought i would never get to do. It definitely goes without saying, but traveling is a definite PERK.
So, my fellow "MilSo", here's my advice to you, whether you're just now embarking on this journey or you've been doing it a while, don't focus on those cons, but stay in love with the perks. Distance can hurt a relationship if you only focus on the negatives. Stay positive, and focus on the good times to come. Pick up new hobbies, volunteer at shelters, set up goals for while you're apart (like hitting the gym and shocking them with a hot body when they come home), but most importantly, surround yourself with a good community. Nothing helps going through a hard time like having someone to talk to who is also going through the same thing as you. Branch out, make friends, be kind, and lean on each other. You've got a long road ahead of you, but it's a beautiful one filled with so much love.
xoxo,
A Military Significant Other
