Dear Mom and Dad,
You just recently sent me back to college for my second year. I have chosen a major in English I have proven successful in. I’ve made a comeback from the first semester when I was in the wrong major and the wrong mindset. I lost all the weights in my life that were holding me back. I feel like I’ve made you two proud. I’ve started a relationship with someone you guys approve of and seem to adore. He’s my best friend and I hope for great things in our future. You two have walked with me while dealing with my anxiety disorder and reminding me that not only will everything be okay, but it is more than likely something that will pass. You raised me in church and taught me things that have made my faith and perseverance strong.
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I would love to say that everything is perfect. However, in life we know that just isn’t the case. I’m still young. I have mornings when I wake up in college and wonder why I’m here. I also have mornings when I wake up and am completely driven toward graduation and then my future career. I sometimes sit and contemplate whether I really love English as much as I think I do. I also have days when I ask myself if there is anything else I would want to do more. Is teaching correct for me? Is this what I want to do with my life? Will I be happy? I have the mornings where I am gung-ho and ready for class. I also have mornings where all I want to do is stay in bed. Some days I feel so strongly about becoming a teacher that I have no doubt in my mind that I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Sometimes I look at the work that has been given to me and wonder what the significance of it is. I have days where I worry I will straight up disappoint you guys.
When I switched my major from Nursing to English, I was never more afraid of disappointing you than making that phone call to the house. I knew I was 18 and it was all my choice, but that need for my parent’s approval was still there. My older sister became a nurse, so I thought I should do that or something that grand. Becoming a teacher just doesn’t seem like an equal profession to nursing. Sure becoming a teacher is a good thing, but it’s just not up to par with her. You always raised us to know that we are all different but I just didn’t want to disappoint anyone. All the other people I told my potential major to tried to sway my decision. You’re too smart to become a teacher. Do you really want to deal with high school kids? You’re just throwing away that scholarship for mediocre pay. All these comments and more rang through my head. Although to my surprise when I told my mother the news, she was thrilled. That was reassuring that maybe, just maybe I was finally making the right choices. (As a side note, no one was too thrilled with my choices at the beginning of my freshman year.)
I’m sorry for the havoc I caused from the end of my senior year of high school and almost all the way through my freshman year of college. It was such a growing experience for myself and I made my fair share of mistakes. The joy of life is we get to take these mistakes, learn from them, and maybe someday help someone not make the same ones. Although, I had someone try to stop me from some of my mistakes but I didn’t listen. Some lessons we have to learn the hard way. It’s okay though, I honestly feel like the things we went through and that I have dealt with thus far have made me into this person I am today. I like who I am. Yes I am unsure of what will happen and get insecure about so many other things still, but knowing I have two wonderful parents who love and support me like you two do is very comforting. I know you joke and tell me you’re ready for me to go when I leave to come back to college, but a piece of me knows that you two love me and that I am always welcome home. You created a home environment for me that gave me all the opportunities I could want to become a fulfilled person. I am so blessed to have the circumstances I do. You always gave me the means to achieve whatever I wanted to go for. You also taught me I didn’t need everyone’s approval to be successful and happy.
I’m getting older and getting closer to being in the real world. That is such a scary thing for me. I know you two will not let me fall when the time comes, but the worry of all the responsibilities I will have can be overwhelming. I can’t thank you two enough for the support you gave me when I ended my last serious relationship. I never once heard an “I told you so”, but I heard a lot of “We love you” and “God has someone planned for you”. You allowed me to cry and feel all my feelings but didn’t allow me to wallow in them. You made sure I got busy and was surrounded by people who cared about me. You gave me freedom to go out and occupy myself. It worked. I didn’t handle a lot of situations the way I should’ve in the past. I should’ve known that you two always have my best interest at heart and you’re not telling me things to be cruel or unfair. You’re telling them to me because you love me and only want the best.
So now that I’m not a freshman and not completely new at this, I feel like I should have this all figured out. I don’t. I know more than I did last year but I don’t know near as much as I will when I’m a senior in college. I hope I continue to make you two proud and if I don’t say it enough, I love you.
Sincerely,
Your Sophomore-in-College Daughter
