I remember the day perfectly, six years ago. I knew my mom was going to do it, we all did, but my dad did everything in his power to stop it. I can only imagine the pain of sitting in an office and getting the call. The call from mom's divorce attorney, letting my dad know that his wife of 18 years with four children, is about to break the family apart. I remember coming home that day and screaming to my mom about why she was doing this, as tears welled in my eyes. I remember going into my bathroom and calling my dad, and for the first time, I heard him cry to me, as we both cried together.
My dad tried to save the marriage and like other couples dealing with issues, my parents went to counseling. When that didn't work, my dad started sleeping on the couch, as him and my mom started talking less and less, the mood around the house started to become more fake, tense and awkward. After my mom filed for divorce, my parents only spoke through their attorneys. My parents went from a civil married couple to two people having an immense amount of hate for each other.
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I remember asking my mom why she was doing this because I never understood. She kept telling me that we would all be so much happier and that things were OK. However, I had a wonderful childhood, I was happy and things were great. I accepted that my mom had divorced my dad, but I wasn't going to stop until I understood why. Going back to marriage issues, my parents weren't intimate enough, my mom fell out of love, he didn't give her the attention she wanted, and then she told me that she married him for money. I didn't have any desire to learn anymore after that.
My brothers and I went to go to a custody evaluator, as we were forced to interact awkwardly with each other in front of this doctor that we barely knew. We weren't used to this, we were a happy family, and even though we weren't perfect, my childhood is filled with nothing but vacations, good memories, going out to dinner all the time and family bonding. This man was going to determine how the custody should be split among my parents. After each one of us was interviewed, us children realized that a bunch of money and forced awkward doctors determined that the custody was split 50/50, which is what we wanted in the first place.
My brothers and I were also forced to go to all these counselors at school and therapists in order to help cope with the divorce, even though my brothers and I coped in other ways. My younger brother and I resorted to alcohol and other substances as a way to cope with the divorce, while my other younger brothers were too young to completely comprehend what was going on.
The court process was begun, and it didn't end until three years later. Those three years were a work in progress for my family, as we all got used to the divorce being extended for such a long period of time. I remember the nights where dad would pick us up from mom's house and we would stay at one of his friends houses. I remember the day that mom filed a restraining order against my dad because he wanted to come over and visit his children. I don't think I will ever forget when I saw my dad drive away to his new house for the first time, as he had been living with us for 11 months after my mom filed, making the tension and awkwardness around the house that much worse. I remember hating my dad for two years, as my mom fed me information that made it hard to accept him at the time. Then I remember hating and fighting endlessly with my mom, as being the oldest child, I was put in the middle of the divorce at times. However, those three years went by, and eventually, things got better.
Six years later, we went from a work in progress to a family that has come out stronger and more faithful. We have demonstrated how much good that can come out of a nasty divorce. Never in a million years would you think that one of the worst things to happen to your family, can actually be a blessing in disguise. You learn the true value of family and how sacred it really is. You learn the importance of having siblings and come together when your parents won't. You learn to appreciate your parents more, as they went from a team to learning how to be single parents.
Most importantly, you learn not to take others for granted. You learn how to love yourself better, your friends and most importantly, your significant other. You sometimes wonder if two people can actually be happy forever. You realize how lucky you are to be in a moment with someone because you never know when it can be taken away from you. You learn to strengthen your relationships, never give up,and work through your issues. You understand how powerful the meaning behind loyalty is.
As a child of divorce, you make it one of your main goals to get married once, and to do it right. At a younger age then most, one of your main priorities in life is centered around not getting a divorce because you don't want to put your children through when you experienced when you were younger. You learn to shed light on issues, knowing that if two people are committed to each other, they can conquer their issues together learning the importance of loyalty and sticking with your other half and knowing that if both parties have the desire to, they can make it to forever.
