An open letter to a past love
You used to sit there while we would watch a movie and you would cuddle me and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You'd kiss my forehead like you always did and a smile would instantly appear on my face because I was so content with how we were with one another. One thing always led to another and we NEVER got through an entire movie without having a sma— big distraction.
You used to come up behind me and cover my eyes making me guess who was trying to scare me. I'd turn around and my heart would instantly flutter and I would see that beautiful smile that was on your face. It'd be either flowers or gifts or simply just you knowing I missed you and coordinating with my friend to come and see me when I least expected it.
It used to be long paragraphs from me late at night expressing how I felt to you and how I knew you were such an incredible human being. Long replies back from you expressing how much you appreciated me taking the time to write them and saying how much I was good at words. I always knew it made you happy waking up in the morning to such a huge letter from someone you cared about.
But that was how it used to be...
We sit on the couch watching a movie and there's no motion to cuddle anymore. There's no motion other than to grab your phone. I'd count how many times you'd look at your phone during a movie and how many times you would make that much of an effort to make me feel warm and fuzzy inside like before. Last time we ever watched a movie together it was 43 to 0.
The surprises are still there. Buying me things when you knew I needed them. Spontaneously planning a trip once to go and see you. Inviting me to your house for a get together with your friends and family. They don't feel as good anymore.
I kept writing you paragraphs and the replies got shorter and shorter until one day I only got a 2 line response because you were busy but then you never mentioned it again until I had to remind you.
The little things disappeared. I deleted every single screenshot I ever took of you. I stopped going to your Instagram profile to see your pictures. Eventually I stopped caring if you looked at my Instagram or Snapchat story. I stopped caring about what friends you were hanging out with. I stopped caring that you wouldn't appreciate the little things I did anymore.
I stopped being happy with you...
I ended things between us and you had a million questions. You felt like you did nothing wrong. You used the things you did for me months ago against me. You got angry because you weren't understanding. You got frustrated because while you noticed me stop doing everything I always did for you, you failed to recognize that you stopped doing them long before I did...
You failed to recognize until you read this.
It's been 3 years and I occasionally think about what would have happened had we stuck through it. Would we have gotten better? Would we have gotten worse? Would we be happy in a relationship? What happened? Why did you stop? Was there someone else? Was I not enough? I honestly will never know. However what I do know, is that I deserved better. I deserved someone who always put the same effort as I did in everything I did for you. I deserved someone who didn't make me feel like it was one sided...
I deserved someone who loved me as much as I loved them and it took me a long time to realize this, but that someone was not you.
All I can say now is I hope you're happy, I hope you get the girl of your dreams someday, and I hope that if we are to ever cross paths again, we're able to know that we're both okay.
So to my past love...thank you for showing me what I deserve and being able to let me share this story with others so that they know what they deserve.
