Dear My Hair,
We sure have been through a lot together… and by a lot I mean since I was like 13 years old, I have been putting all of you brave little strands through hell. And seeing as I’m going to take a crack at redemption soon with another new hairstyle, I feel that one HUGE apology is in order.
Well, I’m just going to lay it out on the table and go one by one. Also, don’t expect photo evidence because they’ve long been deleted… alongside my MySpace account.
I’m sorry for convincing my mom to dye my hair black in the seventh grade, and I’m sorry for letting it happen again.
I’m REALLY sorry for that one time I thought bleaching the hair on the top of my head would look cool. It didn’t look cool, I’m not even sure if my Top Eight really liked it.
I’m sorry for doing that weird halo thing where we bleached the underneath of my hair. Half black/half blonde hair is not cute like that and I’m sorry I made you endure that.
I’m sorry for that one time we bleached and dyed the underneath of my bangs bright blue and then it turned gross and silver when we tried to correct it.
I’m sort of sorry for growing you guys out really long and beautiful *cries* and then getting a pixie cut. Well… I’m not really sorry for getting the pixie cut because it looked awesome and I donated the hair but I am really sorry for the ridicule that came alongside growing it out. Not cute.
I’m super sorry for growing you all out, all fresh and healthy new hair *cries more*, and then BLEACHING YOU AGAIN for the sake of ombré. You became the victim of a trend.
And of course I’m sorry for the constant heat damage from straightening on the highest heat setting, the hairspray and teasing, ripping split ends and the breakage from the ponytails during cheerleading.
First and foremost, there is no justice for the hair of a kid who goes through the emo/scene phase. There. I said it. My middle school years were riddled with the foolishness of too much eyeliner, tight jeans, and crappy box hair dyes. Ugh, I’m dying at the thought, but I know it’s not an excuse.
I will gladly admit that I am one of those people who loves their hair, and as a daughter of a former hairstylist, I should have known better. My problem is that I get bored, so every year around the same time, I make a big change to my mane. So, at least I give warning right?
Anyway, the short of it all is that I’ve had a ton of stupid stuff done to my hair over the past seven years, and I’m extending an apology to my hair for my cruel and unusual behavior and thanking all 100,000 strands -- give or take 100 (I Googled it) -- for being such great troopers through it all.
With love,
Jess
P.S. I promise I’ll be nicer if you stop with this whole “premature greying” crap, please?
