No… Oh, God NO. OH, SWEET GOD NO. DIOS MIO. Do you know what today is? Only the most important day of my entire educational career!? It’s… It’s… FIESTA FRIDAY. The day when every chico or chica on this side of the Mississippi lugs in oodles of Hispanic rice and basins overflowing with gleaming guacamole into the judgmental hallowed halls of Spanish 3 Honors. But, you amigo, are empty-handed. And, you know what Señora will say when she sees your total lack of Spanish potluck, “ Adán que yo estoy disgustado por la falta de comida. Traer vergüenza a mí y a mis antespasados españoles con su cara fea. Por shame! Por shame!” And Jesús knows you don’t want that!

Well, fear not, for the solution is as simple as uno, dos, TOSTITOS: the company that single-handedly transformed and ear of corn, a drip of oil, and a pinch of salt into a culinary revolution that is so much more than just an afternoon snack. One quick trip to the chip aisle of your local Kroger later, and you find yourself watching the amigos of your Spanish classroom guzzling down gallons of salsa and inhaling those magical triangles that you brought, and it is all thanks to, Tostitos. That is why today we will dip into the spicy history behind this fragrant company, chip away at what Tostitos brings to the kitchen table, and chomp into a Tostito info burrito that is oh so sweet-o.

In a time way beforecorndogs and candy corn, if you can believe it, there was such a thing as just corn, or if you’re feeling fancy, maize. The ingenuity of the ancient Mayan natives, as early as 10,000 B.C. resulted in the earliest form of the tortilla chip known to man. And, according to Maya legend, these corn concoctions were given by lowly peasants to their high king as a form of gratitude for his benevolent protection to the kingdom! Now, y’all are not kings, but I guess I will treat you- to some history. Fast forward around 110 centuries to the founding of another kingdom.

The Frito company, founded as a potato chip enterprise in 1932, made the executive and oh so important decision to merge companies with fellow potato pioneer H.W. Lays, in 1961, and BOOM they transformed into the salty, crunchy tycoon we all know today as Frito-Lays. Quickly, the company expanded from foil filled with fried fritters onto brand new unheard of snacking sensations. First, the cheese flavored styrofoam-esque pieces known as Cheetos. Then the wavy wonders to compliment any of your Auntie’s spinach dips, Ruffles. Followed by the munchy made in heaven, we call Doritos. And finally, in 1977 Jack Liczkowski developed the chip to end the rest that was unveiled in stores everywhere; a corn chip loosely based upon those early Mayan’s innovation, Tostitos. They were round circles packed with white corn and booming with a “real” Hispanic flavor. Then, in 1979 Tostitos received the critical and marketing acclaim that it so rightfully deserved, and as a result they pumped out two brand new variations of their original recipe, Traditional and Nacho Cheese Flavor that in turn boosted the sales of Tostitos to swiftly become the most successful launch of any snack in the entirety of Frito-Lays’s hunger-driven history.

Oh, but they did not stop expanding their vast variety of products there. However, just listing off the different chips that Tostitos has in their fiesta arsenal would be tedious, boring, and unoriginal, so I will expand upon the beauty of Tostitos’s chips in the greatest art form known to man: a sick nasty rap.

I’ll start this rhyme

With the HINT OF LIME

Added to the loop

we got FAJITA SCOOPS
Cantina THINS, CRISPY, and TRADITIONAL

Try the MULTIGRAIN

if you wanna be nutritional.

SALSA VERDE, CRISPY ROUNDS

save those other chips for the fools and clowns.

If you wise, BITE SIZE

don't apologize, recognize

the only way to survive

is to baptize the chip in some salsa

downsize then vaporize hunger

you gotta likewise, colonize the flavor

hypnotize and energize and tantalize those tastebuds

and lastly to summarize

don’t compromise another franchise

as they disguise your demise know in your heart

the company that’s been there from the start

I must disclose and propose its the yummy nummy in your tummy

TO- STI- TOOOOS

(heavy breathing and jazz hands)

Although that performance may have just brought shame to the mighty company of Tostitos, there is still so much to praise left to give! 18 years after that initial chip release, Tostitos decided to overtake the entire party scene with the release of their sauce-tacular salsas and dips! It started with a simple Chunky salsa recipe available in mild for the faint of heart, mediumif you want to spice up your life, and HOT for those who appreciate a muy caliente outlook on life. This soon evolved into Cantina: Chipotle, Salsa Verde, and Roasted Garlic, adding new twists to an ancient recipe allows Tostitos to stand out against all the other company’s bare basics. The move that really advanced Tostitos into pure snack superiority; however, was the moment that Frito-Lays decided to break away from the Hispanic culture a bit, and gift the world with the most amazing, child-pleasing, and American thing they could: cheese. It’s outstanding by itself, as exemplified by the Queso Blanco and Smooth and Cheesy Dips, but when it is paired with another incredible ingredient, the combination is deadly. Salsa Con Queso (that’s salsa with cheese for the less-cultured ones) and the Zesty Bean and Cheese dip expertly combine the two different cultures into one yummy civilization.

And they, could’ve stopped there, oh they could’ve, but they didn’t. Just within the course of the last few years, Tostitos uniquely overtook the microwave game with the highly anticipated release of their “Dipetizers” in Mexican Four Cheese and Cheesy Spinach & Artichoke blended with care and ready to be consumed with a brand new chip unlike any on the market, Tostitos ROLLS (*rolls*). Now, you may be asking yourself, well I see the wildly astounding variety of products Tostitos has to offer, and the simple yet indescribably delicious combinations of ingredients, but, why should I choose Tostitos?

Why not go with On The Border, Mission, or Santitas? Well do you care about being alive!?! (because Tostitos sure does). Seeing the rising obesity rates in America as well as the concern for health being treasured by many, Tostitos made it their mission to offset fat and encourage healthy eating within their customers by offering 3 different variations of chips. The first is the aforementioned Multigrain chips that pridefully uses wheat instead of the common corn allowing for a further fresher formula. This then evolved into a line of chips and dips relying solely on the use of “Simple Ingredients” to sell their products; no added flavoring or fat was necessary to achieve this snack that will leave your insides feeling squeaky clean! Finally, as Frito-Lays began experimenting with the notion of “baked” chips in the Potato, Barbecue, and Cheetos department, they chose to follow suit with Baked Tostitos with significantly less fat than any potato chip—a healthier, crunchier, and tastier alternative for those who may or may not be watching their figure.

Another reason to choose Tostitos? America. The fourth most patriotic thing in America, behind baseball, apple pie, and bald eagles, is the lovely sport of football. Obviously I am not the most avid sports fan, considering I enjoy spending my Saturdays here; however, Tostitos is. Since 1995, Tostitos has been the host of the most festive of all the Bowl Championship and National Series, the Fiesta Bowl. (gestures to display) Like this, but with sweaty men. Up until 2014, Tostitos helped to show millions of viewers the joy of a good college pigskin toss, hopefully while the families at home were chowing down on some chips & dips from the leisure of their couches.

And finally if your still not convinced, just now that with every bag of tortilla chips or salsa that you buy, Tostitos and Frito-Lays are feeding someone that never got the opportunity to purchase it themselves. Partnered with the charitable organization Feed the Children, Tostitos has made it their mission to obliterate hunger all across the country; putting food on the table for more than 32,000 families. And every year that number is growing and growing, with the goal of giving food to those who need it, and those that crave it’s salty satisfaction.

Whether that craving comes on Fiesta Friday or within the workings of a Speech Saturdayknow there is only one treat appropriate for any party scene: whether it be Scoops and Salsa in the classroom, Bite Size nacho’s at little Timmy’s b-day bash, or spinach dip at Granny’s Thursday bridge club. So the next time you’re in a flash and need to dash to get a snack that’s sure to mash with any bash just know la comida para tu corazón es Tostitos.