Let me tell you something about grandmothers: they are sobadass, and you don’t even know. The only side of them that you’ve have the pleasure of seeing is the doting grandma who sends you $20 in a birthday card every year and has a seemingly endless supply of weird and slightly stale candy in her giant purse. But there’s so much more to these amazing women.
They raised your parents. The mother of your father put up with his crap for years before you had to. She dealt with him when he almost burned down the garage. She dealt with him as he fought endlessly with his brothers. She gave him morals and drive and sent him down the path towards meeting your mother. The mother of your mother had to deal with her as a teenager. Girls, remember how awful you might have been to your mother as your hormones started surging. Boys, remember how many times your mom and sister went head to head as she turned the dreaded age of 13. Your grandmother survived that and came out the other side with your wonderful mother in hand. Your grandmothers are the reason you are alive in the way that you are. They gave your parents the foundation upon which they would build their life once they moved out of your grandmothers’ nest.
They have unbelievable strength. Many of your grandmothers may have immigrated here from across the ocean. They left everything they knew and everything they have ever known back in their home country, and they sailed off to a complete unknown, all in the name of opportunity and a better life. If any of you have moved house, you might know just a fraction of the uncertainty and fear they felt as they packed up their things and left an entire life behind.
They lived in a world where the gender gap was even more severe than it is today. They fought their own battles to be considered just as smart and just as strong as their husbands and the other men in their field. They studied hard and worked hard and created a life for themselves so us girls today never have to know what its like to be turned away from a job just for having a different organ system down there. They held jobs and still started a family and managed to raise that family as kind and caring and healthy people who would become your parents and aunts and uncles. They are a part of the generation that fought for women’s rights, and they are a generation who sent us down the path for change.
They’ve seen a tumultuous world. They’ve lived through things that you’ve only read about in textbooks. They lived that history. They watched our country change. They saw the atrocities committed against sex and race and religion. They watched the movements for equality play out, and some of them participated. They saw the world torn apart by World War II, and then again by the Korean War, and then again by the Vietnam War, and yet they still see enough hope in the world to continue to want to be a part of it. They were the ones who stayed home and maintained the state of the country. They were the ones who worried everyday if their brothers and fathers would come home to them. And they were the ones who stayed strong through all of it. They were the constants.
Grandmothers are amazing. If you still have yours, sit down with them as ask them for their stories. My father’s mother came here from Germany in the 40s, had a child while in college, finished college, raised three boys while working full time, and is one of the strongest women I know. My mother’s mother raised four intelligent girls and instilled in them a strong work ethic, a lust for exploration, and the belief that anything a man can do, you can do better. She is a phenomenal cook, and an even more phenomenal person. I am in awe of everything these women have lived through, everything they have done, everything they have seen. I hope to be half the women they are when I’m their age.
We need to stop viewing our history as one of catastrophe; we’ve got to start viewing it as one of reverence. We should view our history as filled with amazing people that contributed to our world as it is now. And your grandmothers are some of those people. Ask for their story and listen. Know that just because they don’t know how to work an iPhone doesn’t mean that they don’t understand our generation. They understand us more than we ever can, because they know where we come from.
So next time you’re stuck at the kids table at a family reunion, remember to give your grandma a hug and a thank you. And, overall, live in reverence of your grandmothers. They’ve earned it.
