I will never understand why you've treated me the way you've treated me lately. Every promise you've given me, every word you've said to me is in my head and my heart is breaking. For the past few years, you've never been a father, you were never willing to be a father to me. I see your pictures of my little sister and while I smile and cry, I ask myself when were you ever like that to me? When did you ever love me like how you love my little sister.
But this is not about my little sister.
This is about the days I keep asking myself what have I done to make you treat me this way? Why are you so angry with me? Are you ashamed of me? Have I've disappointed you so many times with the mistakes I've made that you don't even consider me as your daughter? What did I do that was so bad that you talk to me like I'm a stranger? Like I'm someone you didn't give birth to? Like I'm not your daughter?
I thought you would be proud of me. I thought you would be proud that I'm being independent, that I'm doing something I love, that I'm in a good place with my boyfriend and my best friends. I thought you would be so proud of me that you couldn't contain it.
But I guess I was wrong.
You never said you were proud of me, you never said that you love me. Instead, you keep talking to me like you're communicating with a stranger, while you're posting how much you love your daughter, how much you love your family, the family that I'm not part of anymore.
I'm writing to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect daughter that you wanted. I'm sorry that I'm doing what I love without you.
But I'm not sorry that you're not in my life.
That's clearly what you wanted. You wanted this without telling me. And while normally I would keep begging you to come back, I'm not this time. This time I'm begging that you don't come back, while I keep doing what I have been doing without you, living my life.
Goodbye.
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1. When you see each other after a hiatus it is like no time has passed.
Regardless of what you may have gone through, nothing can change the banter and personal communication you and your friends share. Nothing feels awkward or forced because you are having too much fun catching up!
2. You plan your outings around each other's schedules.
Your friend's work schedules or class schedules are memorized like the back of your hand. They are your priority, and you will do anything you can to get them to join you on adventures when it is convenient to do so.
3. You say 'I love you' on the phone.
Yes, you may say it in real life too, but saying it after a phone call means it has become a customary for you to validate your appreciate for one other. Like a significant other or family member, you feel the desire to express your love at the end of a conversation.
4. Nothing is boring when you are together.
No matter what you do together, you always have a good time. Why? Because your friends' company is all you need. With the right people, you can make any situation memorable.
5. You share weird inside jokes no one else understands.
And you would like to keep it that way. If you are anything like my friend group, we share a strange family dynamic that has lasted as a running joke forever. No matter what it is, your inside jokes and sly smirks will keep the spirits up for ages.
6. You plan to hang out for a couple hours but end up together the entire day.
So now you just expect it and prepare for a 24-hour long get-together. Naps are often a part of the agenda.
7. The hugs say a thousand words.
Perhaps you do it a little too much, but the hugs you share are always meaningful and comforting. Gotta love those group hugs especially!
8. You go on spontaneous adventures together.
It is where your favorite memories come from. Even though you might not be able to do them as much as you would like, you are always down for a trip, big or small, with the group.
9. You consider each other family.
Because you consider each other family, you treat each other like family. Constant love, constant support, and a tremendous amount of meals spent together.
10. They make you a better person.
It is not a special friend group unless you learn from one another. You had to be selective when choosing your friends and when you did, you felt like they could teach you a thing or two. Their actions influence who you are and you could not be more thankful.
11. You can't imagine life without them.
The very thought scares you and sends your heart racing. Thankfully, the ultimate friend group is right there with you so you never have to second-guess their loyalty. Instead, you can bask in the glory that is your ultimate friend group. #squadgoals.
1. No school = no stress.
There are no essays to write, no books to read, and no deadlines to meet. The only worry in the world is keeping track of putting sunblock on.
2. Country music is more fun to listen to.
All true fans will listen to country music 365 days a year, but we all know that it's so much better in the summer when you can roll down the windows.
3. Your skin looks and feels better.
Even if you don't have the type of skin that tans, there is more color there than in the winter ... maybe. Freckles, tan lines, peeling burns and clear skin make for a happier camper. You'll forget all about the ghost version of yourself that was shedding dry skin like a snake over the winter.
4. Being barefoot 24/7 is an option.
Obviously wearing no shoes in the middle of a blizzard isn't acceptable. You know what is, though? Wearing no shoes in the summer ever because why not?
5. Ice cream is an acceptable snack.
For people like me who can't resist ice cream even on a 10 degree day, summer is a giant ice cream blessing. Not only does it taste like heaven, it's actually refreshing.
6. Minimal clothing is required.
Is there anything worse than having to put on layers in the wintertime only to sweat to death the minute you come back inside? No need for more than a tank top and shorts in the summertime.
7. Going to the beach daily isn't weird.
Now that it's hot, it's beach season. If you live near the ocean there is an excuse to drive there day or night, rain or shine. Staying there all day is an option for those who don't burn, and for those who do, you can always come back at night for a bonfire.
8. Cookouts.
Even when they lead to disaster, summertime cookouts are the best. Nothing completes a cookout more than watermelon and corn on the cob.
9. Night swimming.
Oh the thrill of jumping in freezing cold water in the middle of the night. Good thing the air becomes colder than the water, making the pool like a giant bathtub.
10. Spontaneous adventures.
Summertime gives you the freedom to wake up in the morning and decide to do something totally out of the blue that you've never done before. Hiking to a waterfall, rock climbing, going to a museum, or even road tripping are all great summer options.
Even if the heat isn't really your thing, it's undeniable to admit that life really is better in the summer. There's so much more free time, opportunity, excitement and sunshine. Only four months to go!
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