The internet, and the world, has hardly hidden their infatuation with Oscar Isaac. Since the premiere of "Star Wars: The Force Awakens", everyone has fallen head-over-heels for the 37-year-old actor from Guatemala. Articles all over the inter-webs has branded him as the "Internet's Boyfriend" and no one, especially not him, has fought the title. It's not hard to see why this phenomenon has gripped the nation--with dark eyes, dark hair, and a jawline that won't quit, he steals the show. Old-era handsome, even with a nose that even he jokes about. I'm sure he'd agree that he's number one on every "Actors I'd Make Out With" list of everyone--men and women alike.
And, just like the internet, my infatuation with Oscar Isaac is the farthest thing from quiet. Second semester of college was saturated in nights spent binge-watching anything Isaac featured. I watched a good majority of his filmography, watched many an interview, and fell even more obsessed. With the title "Professional Oscar Isaac Filmography Archivist" dubbed me by a friend months ago, there was no better idea than to some how take my film watching experience and turn it into something. Like, a very informative rating. Also known as, a rating of almost every Oscar Isaac movie (not television shows, or short films) by how handsome he looks in them. You're welcome.
10. "Ex Machina", the bald-bearded-crazy-man look
Though "Ex Machina" is an intriguingly original move, it harbors a nightmare when it comes to Oscar Isaac’s character, Nathan. He’s a bit out of his mind, if that isn’t an understatement, and he’s just plain weird and awkward, but I guess closing yourself off from the outside world can do that to you. Nathan grabs the 10th place spot mostly for the fact that this aloof genius is terrifying in the way he thinks everything he’s doing is—good? And that’s hardly attractive. Though I hold no grudges against the beard and the baldness, it’s not a look that I enjoy fairly much. But, there is the dancing scene that has sparked interest over the last month-or-so that definitely could bop it to a 9 ½ placing. There are great shirtless shots, arm angles, and a scene where he’s stretching across the bed that’s pretty darn beautiful, but the bald-bearded-crazy-man look does not do it for me. Still a great character, and movie, 10/10 on that.
9. "The Nativity Story", the bearded-homeless-Joseph look
Nothing makes you feel more like a sinning piece of trash than watching this movie and hoping that Joseph has a shirtless scene (Spoiler alert: he does!!! Sort of). He is quickly handed the 9th place for the fact that I feel like him playing Joseph in a biblical story movie, even worse the Nativity story, really shouldn't be too high on a list of how hot he is, but he’s not 10th place for the fact that the homeless man look is still more attractive than that weirdly clean bearded Nathan who would probably kill you in your sleep. At least Joseph is nice to animals, very passionate about the girl he loves, and is an all-around great man. That’s super. . . cute. On its own level.
8. "In Secret", the clean shaven, yet side-burned look
If anything, there is a strict warning on this movie about how inappropriate it is. Which, if you think about it, should make it almost number one with the amount of times that you get to see Oscar Isaac in compromising positions. But, even then, nothing can get me past those sideburns. If there is any look I’d rather not see on Oscar again, it’s the sideburn look. A movie based on the novel, "Thérèse Raquin", viewers witness the fiery affair between young Thérèse and her cousin/husband’s friend, Laurent. There is murder, there is sex, old ladies with strokes, and even better, Oscar Isaac and smolders. Laurent began the movie as a young artist in love, a character that I could get around quite fast, for at least, 20 minutes of the movie. He goes downhill and suddenly, it’s like looking back at Nathan—but a completely different kind of crazy. Though, at least this crazy can be looked over—he’s just a stressed man. A stressed man with side-burns that are ugly. The point is, he’d be higher on this list if he didn’t have the sideburns.
7. "Won’t Back Down", the clean-shaven-teacher look
A movie about strong women fighting for the education of children, "Won’t Back Down" is an uplifting work that leaves you smiling from ear-to-ear at the end—but that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here for the handsome teacher who we first meet as he’s shaking his butt and playing the ukulele for a class-full of children. As a man passionate about his work, it’s attractive to watch him argue with his love interest, because nothing is better than watching someone getting heated because they love what they do. Michael plays the ukulele and sings for little children, lets women pull his hair, and dances the line dance with Viola Davis—everything adding up to everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. Even better, this is the first movie that showed me that the cute gray spot on the crown of his head grows out with his hair??? Like, come on now, that’s just beautiful.
Honorable Mentions: "W.E.", "Drive", "Mojave", "10 years". They all deserve their own categories for characters that are all completely different and leave me weak in the knees in their own ways, but for now, because they so closely match the look in "Won’t Back Down", I had to choose. He’s definitely the best looking in "Won’t Back Down", when looking at all the credentials, but that definitely doesn’t mean he doesn’t look just as good in the others. They’re honorable mentions for that very reason—don’t overlook them, they deserve a good watch too.
6. "Agora", the clean-shaven-oddly-12-year-old-gladiator look
In a movie that is revolving around an interesting, strong female lead, I almost feel bad for the zeroing in on Oscar, but I never said I was a good person. Agora is about Hypathia, a female mathematician who challenged the Ptolemaic model of the planets. Oscar plays Orestes, a student who falls in love with her. His curls are in full bloom, cushioning a golden wreath of leaves that make his eyes glow like the sun above. Orestes is a man who knows what he wants, and because of this, he spends much of his young life trying to get with Hypathia, even though she turns him down every time. He is the definition of the friend-zone, but at least he isn’t horrible about it. Instead, he shows his love through sticking by her side till the end—which is beautiful, and if anything, is the reason he’s such a handsome character. I’m a sucker for a man in love.
Honorable Mention: "Revenge of Jolly!", a movie about a man and his cousin going on a search for the killer of his dog. It’s weird, yet entertaining, and Oscar sports the shaggy curled hair he does in Agora—but bearded as well. The character doesn’t make me feel all the things like the handsome, prefect Orestes, but he’s still a dirty beautiful mess. Who is also an interesting character in a movie that is just as much a mess.
5. "A Most Violent Year", The 1980’s-dad Look
Abel Morales, owner of a heating company constantly attacked, has hair similar to the consistency of a cloud. You look at that dark mop upon his head, and you want to know right away what he does to get it to look like that—and if you ran your hands through it if they’d come out coated in gel. A man who, as many of Isaac’s characters do, knows what he wants, I find a knew love in the way he refuses to put the lives of his family, and workers, and business on the line just to end what was happening. Isaac plays a business owner who becomes desperate—and desperation in men is one of the hottest things to ever grace the screen. The only shirtless shot in the movie is a scene of Isaac standing in a towel, shaving his face, and nothing is more handsome. A large expanse of luscious skin, and his jaw line, and that scene steals the show. If he didn’t look so much like a dad—with the clothes, the hair, and the fact that he does have kids in the movie—he would probably be almost in first place.
Honorable Mention: Though I had said I’d stick to only movies, I have to break away to give an honorable mention to "Show Me a Hero", a six part show on HBO. The show is spectacular, and Isaac won a Golden Globe for the portrayal of Nick Wasicsko, the tragic mayor of Yonkers. He has the exact same 1980’s dad look, but even worse in this show, and he looks just as good. Except he sports a hideous mustache that makes you want to tie him down and shave it yourself.
4. "Inside Llewyn Davis", The semi-dirty-hipster-tired-bearded-musician look
Lleywn is a character who leaves you wondering if your artist lifestyle is going to end up exactly like his—a struggle for any type of recognition. But hey, we’re not here to talk about existential crises. The struggling folk musician leaves you a-tingling with his voice—because of course, Oscar Isaac can sing, did you expect anything less? Though the character himself is a cranky man who sleeps with women and then tries to get them to get abortions—what a winner. He’s so high up on the list because I think I have a thing for the semi-dirty, bearded types. His curls are free, his beard is thick, and most of the movie he’s picking away at a guitar. Also, he spends much of the film holding a cat, and that already adds so much to the attractive meter. The point is, he looks cozy, and if you hugged him, he’d be warm and soft like a luscious pillow. What a time to be alive.
3. "Star Wars: The Force Awakens", The handsome-dark-eyed, pillow-y-haired-dream look
2. "Sucker Punch", The shaved-head-eyeliner look
People hate "Sucker Punch". They call it misogynist, and disgusting, and I’ll say, I can see why. The women in the movie spend most of their time half-naked, or in tight clothes, so okay, I’ll give you that. But the whole premise of the movie is a woman finding herself in a place she doesn’t want to be in, and bringing together a whole group of women to fight their way out. And honestly, I can see hate I’d receive if I was so open about my love for this movie for the very fact that Oscar Isaac looks so good as Blue—the disgusting show-runner of the burlesque-like show. He’s always brooding, angry, and for some reason, that look looks so good on him. Especially the eyeliner he is wearing the entire movie. He looks dangerous, and I’m so ready for that. By the end, you hate him, and sure, I hate him a bit too because he’s a terrible man. But at the same time, I’ve already worked myself up into a frenzy over how darn hot he looks that when he is eventually stabbed—I’m actually gasping. I’m not proud, but once more, I never said I was a good person.
