It’s been a few months since the breakup and you’re finally starting to feel like yourself again. The pain has numbed, the loud screams that use to be inside your head have turned to echoes and thoughts of your ex hardly ever trace your mind. You feel free, happy, content with where you are and proud of yourself for moving on. Then, out of nowhere, like they have some sort of sensor and know you’re doing well, the ex texts you. They want to catch up, maybe be friends. You agree and convince yourself it means nothing. Confidently, you face the person you use to know.
Have Your Voice Heard:Become an Odyssey Creator
It starts off casual and friendly. The conversation begins with catching up and hearing about a family you use to be so close to. While feeling like a distant character in their new life, you turn the conversation to old memories and they mention an inside joke you thought they would have forgotten. It's familiar, comfortable and a forceful rush of old emotions beging to surface. How does one person in such a short amount of time bring back everything you’ve worked so hard to get rid of? The question arises: Did you make a mistake by breaking up? Should you try to get back together? Although the answer seems cloudy in the moment, the answer is no.
An ex should stay an ex. Yes, you have shared years of memories together. You know so much about the person and they know so much about you. You have an awesome time together — you click so well. Yes, your problems that led to the breakup don’t seem as big now, you think you can work everything out and you have forgiven them, but don’t rush back into the relationship. I believe this strongly for three reasons. One, It didn’t work out the first two or five times and it won’t work out now. Two, it feels comfortable with them and that's because you’ve been with them for so long — you can get to that level of comfort with someone else, too. Three, getting back with them restricts you from meeting someone new. Justify it all you want, but getting back together with an ex is a risky idea and precautions need to be had.
If you’ve broke up once, there had to be a reason or many reasons.
Will dating again fix all of the past problems you had? Will the same problems resurface? More often than not the answer is yes. You don’t want to go back to what broke you, caused you stress and left you questioning yourself. The mind typically tries to remember the good things more than the bad, so in your head you may have come to believe your relationship didn’t have that many problems, but don’t let this false reality fool you. If it didn’t work the first time what makes you think it will work again?
Were you happy with them or comfortable with them?
Are you going back to your ex for comfort or love? Comfort is a very understandable and common reason for couples to reunite. The outside world of new opportunities can be scary, meeting someone new can be stressful and opening yourself up to a new love is intimidating. You’ve already been through all the awkward first dates and revealing your darkest secrets with this person, why not just give it another go? Don’t give it another go because you never know who is out there waiting to get to know you. Someone is out there that you may feel even more comfortable with and you’ll have fun getting to explore a new person.
Don't restrict yourself from finding yourself and finding someone new.
The last and final reason to not get back with your ex is because you'll be restricting yourself from finding someone else or from finding yourself. As cliché as it sounds, there are plenty of fish in the sea. At any age and at any point in life there is someone else out there made just for you. Why limit yourself to something you already know doesn’t work when you could find someone you’re incredibly happy with. Getting back together also ruins all the progress you’ve made working on yourself. The world can be so much more beautiful alone, in a healthy relationship with yourself, than with someone who doesn’t entirely match your needs.
An ex should stay an ex. Enjoy their company one last time and then remember that chapter of your life has come to a close and doesn’t need to be re-read.
