As a male member of the human race I must say that I am shocked and appalled by the behavior of some of my fellow “men.” I have recently been bombarded with so many articles and new stories regarding the idea of consent, or proper behavior around women. The number of women that have been violated in a sexual manner is staggering and seems to only continue to rise.
I could provide a quote, but the numerous ways with which men have found to infringe upon women’s rights sexually is astounding and completely incalculable. I saw an article where a picture of headphones sitting on a bed prompted a male to comment “you wearing those, and nothing else, that would be heaven.” This is a prime example of how victim blaming and slut shaming are inadequate ways to deal with this epidemic.
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Instead of teaching girls to not wear revealing outfits, to not be alone with boys, to not be a tease or flirt we should teach boys boundaries and respect. Girls should not be dragged into assembly’s and advised not to wear certain items, nor should they be made to feel like they are not in charge of their own bodies around males.
If you take a girl out for dinner or buy her a drink she is not obligated to provide any intimacy to you. She did not enter into a contract of sexual favors for goods just because you purchased them. This sentiment is best illustrated by an article entitled “She Doesn’t Owe You Shit” by James S Fell where he chronicles several women’s stories about the expectations for intimacy based on what the various men involved felt they were owed.
I wonder where this concept originates from? I can honestly say that I have never purchased a drink for a girl with the expectation that she would go home with me. In scenarios where such a maneuver works it is typically used as an ice breaker not a deal maker and perhaps where these so called gentlemen go wrong.
Going along with all of this issues we have the question of consent. How this can be considered a question is beyond me. Why does this simple word need to be defined and spelled it for people? If you haven’t been invited or if your request was not answered with a yes, then she does not want to have sex with you. It’s a very simple equation that so many people do not seem to understand from Brock Turner to Austin James Wilkerson, there seems to be a serious issue with this and then even worse is the lack of punishment provided to these perpetrators.
Perhaps the lack of punishment stems from properly placing the blame where it belongs. The blame should lie on the victims, but the perpetrators. Instead of blaming the victims, we should place the blame where it belongs, solely on the predators. This boy’s will be boy’s mentality is no longer acceptable in society. Boy’s should no longer be allowed to get away with all of the various transgressions, with the blame being placed on those they prey upon.
These behaviors should no longer be tolerated or pushed on the victims. Women should not be sent unwanted pictures of male genitalia, forced to smile, forced to be polite, or feel like they need to concede to the males around them to avoid violent and angry outbursts. Women were not created to be conquered and dominated, but to be cherished and respected. To hear all of these stories and know that a female in my life has been subject to unwanted passes or forced touching disgusts me. Women are not playthings to be toyed with and used as we see fit and the sooner that men understand that and are forced to treat them as equals the sooner we may see a change in the treatment of women.
