Dear Professors,
Hey. It's me. You know? The one who looks really tired? Yeah, well I just would like to apologize for a few things. First of all, I'd like to apologize for always walking in late. It's not that I don't care. I actually do! I want to learn (sometimes)! But you know your class is really early and my dorm is really far. I tried to get up early but I was also studying until 3am for another class. Also when I wake up I have to be quiet or else my roommate will wake up too. So I'm trying to be respectful of her feelings. I understand I should be respectful to your feelings too, but my roommate has access to all my personal belongings so I think it's better to stay on her good side... I know that may sound like an excuse, but you have to understand, I also have really little legs. I can't walk as fast as everyone else, and since I don't have time to go to the gym, my squirrel-like-stamina doesn't allow me to run. (I'm not really sure how good a squirrel's stamina is). I'm going to try to get to class on time, but I'm really sorry if I don't.
I'm also sorry for not having my textbook on time and always asking you to upload the chapter. I know you said it's available at the bookstore but they're basically asking for a small loan of a million dollars for one book. ONE BOOK. So I ordered my textbook off Amazon or some other sketchy website in order to save money. I know we're already on chapter 4 but I promise I'm keeping up even though I look like I'm slacking since I'm the only one without a textbook. You may think I am cheap but really I am saving that extra money to buy you a nice gift at the end of the semester. You already know you want a fresh Starbucks gift card. But really, I am sorry, I am a broke college student.
I'd also like to apologize for giving you the complete wrong answer to the question you asked. I know you literally told me it less than five minutes ago, and I even wrote it down in my notes. But I am literally so tired, just took a test and under so much stress I am surprised I even changed my sleep sweatpants to my class sweatpants. I promise if you ask me again in about ten minutes after I eat my body weight in sugar, I will most likely, maybe, possibly give you an answer that is semi-correct.
Then, there's about skipping class last Friday. I know you think it's because I went out the night before or I'm hungover, maybe even drunk or because I want to start my weekend early. But I promise you I have the worst immune system known to man. If someone even breathes near me I am pretty sure I catch at least three strands of the flu and the plague. And I promise I do take my vitamins (we already know there is NO nutrition in that dining hall food). So please don't mark me unexcused, I know I seem like I don't care about class, but I really do. I'm trying to get a degree here! Be the next president! Own my own company! Heck, maybe even rule the world! Sorry I got carried away, remember no sleep (but if I did rule the world you could totally be my vice-world-rulers....we'll work out the name later).
In all honesty though, all jokes aside, I really do appreciate you all. I know it seems like I don't care but I really do want to learn from you all. I guess I just want to say I'm sorry and thank you. I wouldn't be here without you guys.
With Deep Sorrow,
your most appreciative student
P.S. you rock
