Well first and foremost, I want to completely and honestly apologize. None of this was your fault and you know that obviously. The entirety of the situation itself was and remains to be completely shocking. I understand how hard it is for you to get over, as I feel the same and understand your feelings completely. It was not right of me at all to just leave you out there. It was beyond awful of me to abandon you like that. However, I know that you thought I didn’t defend you.
I don’t think this is true. I do admit that, in the moment, I wasn’t taking your feelings into consideration the way I usually do. This was simply because of how shocked I was. As he was shouting all of that stuff at you, I told you to ignore him and go upstairs. I then continued to yell at him for saying that to you. Everything else that was said to you, I was not present for. However I did find out what else he said. Right when it happened, you can imagine the shock I was in. I tried to avoid the entire situation. I was so shocked I didn’t even realize that you left until afterward. Once the reality set in as to what was going on, it was too late. You already left and my one concern was that you were able to get back home safely. I was panicking because I didn’t have my phone, so I kept using my house phone to call my mom and tell her what was going on. She offered for you to stay over, but obviously and understandably you declined.
After that, I kept sneaking out of my room to take my mom’s phone and text you. I was so worried about you getting home safe. Once you texted me that everything was okay, I focused my attention on what was going on at home. My family stayed up for hours, it was a very emotional night for all of us. We all felt betrayed, we were in complete shock. I didn’t have my phone for about a week after that, so I tried my best to get in contact with people to make sure everyone was okay. There’s not much to say about anything else that happened except for the fact that I was so overwhelmed with the enormity of what happened along with its repercussions that I didn’t think of anyone else's feelings or concerns, which I am at total fault for.
As for what he said to you guys, you know how sorry I am. You also know there’s not much to say about it. As you know, he does crazy things when he is drinking. After these past few years, I have learned to brace myself to deal with him when he’s in a drunken rage and to not take any of the venomous stuff he says to heart. However, I know and understand clearly that you are obviously not used to his drunken self the way I am. There’s nothing I can do to take back the horrible things he said to you, except to just reassure you that he did not mean any of it. I know it seems hard to believe, but after all of my experience I promise it’s true.
After he settled down and we had a sit down discussion a few days later, I told him what he said to you specifically. He was so in shock that he was almost in tears. He thought I was exaggerating and wouldn’t believe it until my mom validated it. Since then, he’s been asking me if I have talked to you. He has offered to text you, call you, and even talk to you in person to explain and formally apologize for his actions. I told him to wait on this, because I know if anyone did something so horrible to me I would never even want to look them in the eye again. If there’s one thing I want you to understand it’s that he does very stupid and rude things when he’s drunk. You were there in the moment in the house and I was upstairs. He decided to make a stupid move and lash out at you instead of me. I promise he regrets it. I regret it too. He took his anger out on the wrong people. He blamed you because you were the first person he saw and his drunken mind just thought to release all his fury at once. Trust me, after you left, I certainly paid for my actions through his drunken anger.
I’m sorry that was so long. I think it was just what was needed to be said. I wanted to make sure I had the opportunity to tell you exactly how I feel and especially how sorry I am. I have been sorry every day, constantly thinking about how mad and hurt you are. It killed me to know you had to suffer here that night. I replay it over and over in my head because of how guilty I feel. I know it’s hard to forget about and I know things won’t be the same. But please take my words into consideration, as they are the only thing I can use to compensate for the immense damage that was done. I am so, so incredibly sorry and I hope this, although long, showed you that in the best way possible.
