This week, I wanted to write an article that would really hit home with everybody. I wanted to write about something that most of us experience on a weekly basis: an Uber ride. We all take them. In the day, at night, not sober, and even sober. Just the other day, I took one to pick up my car alone at 3 p.m. It was more than awkward. However, Uber drivers have evolved. There are some cars with disco lights, some with candy, snacks, and drinks. Some with water bottles and, apparently, some that even dispense shots. No matter how wonderful and nice the people of Uber who have driven me have been, I feel that there are some I owe an apology to.
To the Uber who picked me up from Mint on Valentine’s Day 2015, I am so sorry. So, so sorry. But you didn’t even see the worst. You should have been there the next morning. Be thankful for that.
To the Uber driver who picked up someone else on my tab. Seriously, ask them their name, don’t say, “Are you Nora?” Even if it isn’t Nora, they are going to say yes. For the love of God. However, I AM sorry, because I got a complete refund and a free ride and you totally got screwed. Maybe next time, friend.
To the Uber who let me stop at Chick-fil-A without up-charging me $700, you are so nice. I was so hungry and I love you.
To the Uber who gives my friends and me advice, where do you get all of your wisdom? You literally know the answer to everything. I definitely, definitely agree with you (said through sobs) and I totally am going to do what you advise me to do. Well, I want to. And I should! And I’m seriously maybe considering it. Okay, you know what; I’ll give him one more chance. Can we change the destination?
To the Ubers who take us from Pots to Standard. Okay, I know I’ve already apologized six times throughout the three-minute ride, but I am sorry. But, I mean, look at that HILL! (My friends and I are forever grateful for you pretending not to hate us while we are in the car).
To the Ubers we clown car – you are so nice for breaking the law for seven strangers you have never met. But seriously, one time this car wouldn’t let me add one more person, and it really didn’t work out for them as well as it did for the clown car Uber. We appreciate you!
To the Ubers who get lost in The Woodlands. Yeah, I know. The buildings go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 15, 14, 16, 13, 8, 7. It makes no sense and I’m not too sure what they were thinking. You come in, go past the first big lot, make a right, past the second big lot, make a right, go down three lefts exactly, and it’s the second building. I need to move to building one. I’m sorry for living in the most confusing place in Tallahassee. During Christmas time we'll have lights outside, though!
And, finally, to the Uber driver who was my Spanish professor – I promise I am completely sober and this is also the worst day of my life. My friends are really nice people and I like them a lot and I didn’t mean to do this to you. Oh god. They’re crawling in the trunk. I’m so sorry. I am a respectable lady.
In all seriousness. What would we do without Uber? The last time I took a taxi, (an “fsu card” taxi), she got to my house and then told me I had to pay her $10, then she snatched my card out of my hand and called me really mean names. Never. Again. I use Uber five to six times a week. Just ask my mom, it’s connected to her PayPal (what an invention). Also, Uber guy with disco lights, if you’re reading this, your car is so fun.
