That’s right, I said it, and you want to know something else? I meant it. To all of you feminists rolling your eyes at me, wondering what kind of weak woman raised me to be so incredibly and horrifically incorrect —BITE ME. I’m well aware of the seemingly offensive title to this, but hear me out first.

In my household, there is no “keeper of the kitchen.” My dad likes to cook and try out new things just as much as my mom does, and sometimes, neither one of them want to cook at all. My reason for telling you this is, I don’t think I ever had an idea of how things are “supposed to be,” and I am very thankful for it, because it has opened my eyes to a very serious problem today.

It is 2016 and we are going through the third wave of this thing called feminism. According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, feminism is “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.” Or in other words, it is all about advocating for women and men until both genders are equal in the world—how awesome is that? The women who worked so very hard during the women’s suffrage movement would soil their knickers with excitement. However, in the midst of all of this advocating, protesting and celebrating, we may have forgotten what we are working for in the first place.

The ongoing joke/insult that women belong in the kitchen that will drive any feminist batty trying to tell you just how wrong you are is troubling to me. Obviously, like with any intended insult, you’d want to shoot back something witty and irrefutable. I mean, they’re trying to bring you down, it only makes sense that you’d want to prove them wrong. The troubling thing is, we have started to believe that a woman who believes she belongs in the kitchen doesn’t value herself. For example, has one of your friends said “I want to be a stay at home mom,” and instead of supporting her, you instantly tell her she will change her mind or try to talk her out of it. It’s okay, we all do it, we want what is best for our friends. But why is it that wanting to be a stay at home mom is not for the best? What is wrong with that?

We have attached a stigma to women who want to stay in the home; we often shame women or think less of them because they must be lazy or weak. Obviously, if she thought better of herself, she wouldn’t depend on her spouse to be the breadwinner. In this day and age, a woman who chooses to stay home is a woman without enough confidence to believe she can make money herself. Maybe I am missing something here, but SAYS WHO?

Who says women can’t stay at home? Who says you can’t cook the best dang biscuits and gravy or homemade soup? Who says fathers can’t stay at home either? Is there some sort of “me man, you woman,” neanderthal-type way of thinking that states if you stay home, you are lesser?

DREAM SHAMING NEEDS TO STOP. There is no shame in focusing on child-rearing, just as much as there is no shame in wanting to have a career.

The only place anyone belongs is where they want to be. Women can belong in the kitchen just as much as they can belong in an office of a Fortune 500 company. They can belong in a mom’s club or a fight club or whatever the Sam Hill makes them happy. The point is, it is not our job to judge or to belittle, but to instead acknowledge and encourage the dreams and aspirations of our fellow [wo]men.

Feminism is an incredible idea that fights to make the world equal and fair. I want to make it clear that I do not, in any way believe feminism is bad for anyone. Sometimes, there just needs to be a reminder that we aren’t working to get women “out of the kitchen.” We are working so that women can do and be what they want without having to worry about the discrimination of others. So to all of our future women politicians, business women, sports coaches, and stay at home mothers I say: Do what you’d like, and just make sure you like what you do.