"I thought it was mere homesickness, until I started feeling this way at home." - John Lennon
Everyone told me before leaving for college that college is a completely fresh start; an empty canvas in which you can decide what to paint. You're in a new town, with new people, doing new things. No one knows anything about you. College is the perfect opportunity to become the person you’ve always wanted to be, but your past refused to let you become. No one can hold your past against you because no one knows your past. You have complete control over what people know about you by what you decide to display.
Going home for the first time is something I will never forget. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being home, and I always look forward to coming home after a couple months away. I love catching up with my family and just being surrounded by their love and happiness. Driving on the same roads I used to drive every day to get to school. Driving past all the places that I have so many memories at. Reminiscing about all the memories I’ve made here with all of your old friends makes me realize that I haven’t spoken to some of them since graduation. I have absolutely no idea how some of them are doing anymore. I turned on my road for the first time in months and everything was the same as it was when I left. My neighbors still wave at me every time I drive past. My dog still barks at every car that drives by. It’s like nothing has changed. The first thing I do when I get home is to check the fridge to see what new food we have in the house. I look around the house and I realize that not much has changed at all. A few new pictures on the walls and a few things rearranged. For the most part, everything looks the same. It looks like home, but why doesn't it feel like home?
Living out of a suitcase of a few outfits you brought home, and not wanting to unpack just to repack and potentially forget one of your favorite shirts is the weirdest thing about being home. It's as if I’m a guest at my own home. My closet is filled with old clothes I never wear anymore, some in which I forgot I even owned. Looking through my closet is like purchasing all of these outfits all over again. I look around and wonder why I actually used to these things that surround me. Coming home from college made me realize how much I have changed.
Seeing old friends is one of the strangest things about coming home. People I used to have so much in common with now feel like strangers to me, even the people I wanted to keep in contact with after graduating. It’s especially unsettling when reuniting with people who never left our hometown after high school. They sound like broken records when they smile and talk about their unchanged lives. We’re just not on the same page anymore. With some people, we aren’t even reading the same book anymore. Realizing that there is a bigger world out there my hometown is incredible and eye-opening. I am beyond thankful for the new challenges, opportunities, and friends I have met in college, for I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I had never made the decision to leave my small hometown.
For me, home is where I love and am loved. Whether that be surrounded by my friends on campus or hours away in my hometown with my family. The only thing that makes home feel like home to me anymore is being around my family. No matter how much times passes and how many things change, my family will always be unconditional. There’s something beautiful about how even though you're not the same person you used to be, you are still loved by your family. No matter how much I change and no matter the mistakes I make, my family will always love me regardless, and I am beyond thankful for that.
Coming home from college is weird, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go home again. Home is so special, and as much as things change there, home offers a sense of support and security that you won't be able to find anywhere else. It’s nice to get away from the hectic and overwhelming atmosphere of college and go home for a few days. Although you may miss your “other home” after a few days at your real home, you have to make sure you appreciate being home. Just because it doesn't feel like home anymore, doesn't mean it isn’t. When nothing else in your life is stable, your family will always be there for you with open arms.
