America's Youth Engage in New Trend of "Crusading."
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

America's Youth Engage in New Trend of "Crusading."

The Revival of Religion in America?

9
America's Youth Engage in New Trend of "Crusading."
Ebay

FRANKLIN, OHIO - In a recent outburst of similar reports, it appears that the youth of America has begun a new, unique trend that, to quote local at-home mother Debra Wilson: "...is a homage to the traditions of a better, more united America."

"We began our dinner with an evening prayer, as usual, when my 9 year-old, Billy, interrupted the Hail Mary with a loud statement of 'Death to the Infidels.'" According to Debra, little Billy then proceeded to lecture, entirely in Latin, of the importance of re-conquering the Holy Land of Jerusalem from the hands of the "Saracens."

"After his speech, which brought tears to the eyes of his diabetic grandfather, I immediately hugged my boy. The way he described his plan to build a trebuchet by using the long division method he learned in his second-grade math class was a brilliant application of his studies. I was so proud, for I haven't heard of a dedication to our Lord Christ from our nation's youth since my mother was a little girl, back in the good ol' days when she couldn't vote."

But not all sources report of this trend as presenting a unifying front for our nation's youth. A recent story emerged last week from a small town in Ohio, which presents a not-so-pretty side to these claims of holy unification.

"It was a Saturday morning and the wife and I were both off of work. My oldest kid, my 7 year-old Tyler, was making some kind of stick formation in our back yard", says 35 year-old Samuel Roberts of Greenbeck, Ohio, "He starting piling these sticks on and on, like some of cone formation. He's always been such an imaginative kid, I thought he was just playing castles." From here, the story takes a darker turn.

"I turn away for two minutes to check in on my frozen dinner, and when I turn back to the window I see my little Tyler tying my 4 year-old daughter to the structure, which I have now learned was a 'stake', with matches in his hands. Turns out he was going to burn her! I mean, he's only joked about killing his friends 11 times, who would've thought?" Roberts then untied his daughter from the stake and confiscated the matches from Tyler, who was quoted as shouting "Deus Vult, infidel!"

"After yelling some phrase in, I dunno, Spanish maybe, Tyler pulls a mace out of nowhere and crashes through the screen door, running off into the cul-de-sac. I haven't seen him since." The only whereabouts of Tyler's location come from a number of reported trebuchets that seem to have popped up overnight within a three-mile radius of the small town, each one inscribed with "when ur gurl is a siege engine capable of launching 90 kilogram projectiles over 300 meters 😂😂👌."

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

71023
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

132589
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments