I sat shriveled in a chair across from my boss's boss. I wanted to disappear into thin air. I had walked into the room believing I would have control but instead, there I sat getting interrogated and feeling useless. I just wanted feedback. I expected positive reinforcement. I expected elation for my desire for a promotion. Instead, I got a list of the things that I was lacking in. I wanted to run away but instead, I leaned in. I kept asking questions. They, of course, came with more pressure but eventually started yielding the fruit I was searching for. Then it dawned on me.
It was all fruit.
I was searching for a sugar coated response, a handshake and a welcome but this woman was sharing with me what I needed to know to actually get the job. Yes, it hurt but, I needed to hear it. This only made me lean in more. Before I knew it, I was taking notes again. I could hardly keep up. Then I started to wonder why I was so frazzled by the initial feedback. I came to the frightening realization that we, as young American people, do not know how to accept feedback. We have been raised in politely sugar coated, butter loaded and politically correct environments. While this is an example of great progress, we have lost the art of a chiseling feedback. We are so afraid to hurt others that we rob each other of an opportunity for growth. We have stunted ourselves.
Jordan Whitfield
I have to point out, before anyone distorts this, that I am not attacking the civil growth we have made as a country. I am joyous of our fighting for equality in all aspects. I am, however, not happy to see participation trophies. Life doesn't give participation trophies and all of the coddling we received in school or in the early development of our careers weakened us and hindered our growth. We need to have these difficult conversations with our boss. We needed to hear the honest truth from our teachers. We need mentors that will help us think for ourselves and push us. I can't imagine that any of the world's greatest surgeons were coddled. No one told them to take it easy 13 hours into surgery and gave them a participation trophy when they grew tired. We don't give babies participation trophies when they're learning to walk. Instead, we pick them up and guide them as they learn to step.
Feedback is a Gift 101 should be a class we all have to take. I imagine that something like that could change the way we develop products and people in our society. I imagine we would be full of people running a race for betterment, helping each other to grow along the way. We have to remember that while we may not be where we want to be now, we will get there. So, I welcome development. We all should.
