“There’s only one holiday that truly matters. History began July 4, 1776—everything before that was a mistake”. –Nick Offerman.

In a perfect world, we would all be drinking single malt whiskey whilest riding a giant red, white, and blue bald eagle. We would fly amidst the airways of independence for all of eternity. This is not actually feasible, but when July 4th comes around, we are granted a day of freedom to do more of whatever it is that we love to do. That’s why America is so remarkable. There is truly nothing like spending time on the lake with your closest friends and family as you take in the sights, sounds, and taste of freedom. July 4th is a day we come together and unite under the stars and stripes as we celebrate America’s birthday. This is America: home of Kanye, JFK, and Dubya. Here is why July Fourth is the best holiday in the best country in the world.

1. God’s Great Outdoors

Once again, in the words of Nick Offerman, “it is morally and spiritually mandatory that all people spend time outdoors on Independence Day”. It doesn’t matter what activities you partake in, as long as you’re outside enjoying the freedom that has been bestowed upon us by Uncle Sam. It is a blessing that we obtained our freedom in the great season of summer. So, it is our duty and obligation to appreciate the astounding splendors of what the land of the free has to offer.

2. Simplicity

The simplicity of this holiday is certainly unbeatable. There’s no need for presents, awkward conversations, or horrible family pictures. It is more than acceptable to simply relax and celebrate from dusk till dawn, and anyone who calls himself an American does so as a celebration of our freedom.

3. Fireworks

Fireworks put the brain at the edge of fear and fun: a symbol of freedom against a starry summer sky. As we sit back and watch the bombs bursting in air, we remember the men and women who came before us and risked their lives for our freedom. And for that, we thank you.

4. Food

There is nothing more liberating than biting into a foot-long frankfurter made of god-knows-what, or that perfectly undercooked greasy hunk of American prosperity we call a burger. Be sure to top it off with an American flag adorned Budweiser—because that’s just what the founding fathers would have wanted.

5. Attire

Nothing screams “freedom” louder than donning that oversized American flag t-shirt with a giant semi-truck and bald eagle across the front. Short shorts, bikini tops, cutoffs, and jorts are this nations backbone and frankly it would be wrong to have it any other way.

As the one and only Will Ferrell once said, “The US of A is the best country in the universe, and for that I make no apologies.”

Happy Independence Day, y’all.