Mid-summer of 2015, a new candidate running for the 2016 presidential election emerged. It wasn’t Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. It wasn’t Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Nope, not highly successful businessman Donald Trump neither. It was none other than Deez Nuts.
Deez Nuts was registered to run for office with the Federal Election Commission. Mr. Nuts began appearing in public polls within the states of Minnesota, Iowa, and North Carolina. He polled at eight percent in both Iowa and Minnesota, but his numbers reached a bit higher in North Carolina coming in at nine percent. Early in his campaign, Nuts gained traction through social media outlets such as Twitter and Facebook. With an official campaign slogan stating “Ball’s in your court America,” Deez Nuts has simultaneously addressed an issue within our country as well as unifying voters by reminding them of their responsibilities to this country. According to his official website, Mr. Nuts lets voters know all about his ideologies. Deez Nuts believes in legal immigration and deporting illegal immigrants back to their country of origin, with the exception of minors. His foreign policy states that we "need to stop being a world watchdog and limit our positions in international conflicts.” Deez Nuts also supports cutting subsidies to oil companies and giving tax incentives to any individual or any corporation who implements green technology and renewable energy sources within their respective communities. Respect to you Mr. Nuts, respect to you sir.
Within a few weeks, Deez Nuts was found out to be a 15-year-old high school student from Iowa by the name of Brady C. Olson. This may come as a surprise to some, but in a valiant effort to break the two-party system, Deez Nuts unfortunately informed followers he could not run for presidential office as he is 20 years too young to do so according to Article II of the U.S. Constitution. When interviewed by Time, Olson informed them he would’ve liked his running mate to be (Democratic) Limberbutt McCubbins. Limberbutt McCubbins is a cat from Louisville, Kentucky.
NBA champion J.R. Smith hinted at a possible run for Presidential office this past summer.
Though it ended as quickly as it began, Deez Nuts reminded Americans what America was built on. Courage, strength, and Deez Nuts. A 15-year old brought Americans together while also addressing an issue with the current two-party dominant system. On top of that, Olson influenced the Federal Election Commission to be more vigilant in verifying future parody and satirical candidates. This proves no matter where you come from or what legalities limit you, you can still make a difference. With current candidates causing more friction and separation among citizens and voters. Now more than ever, America needs Deez Nuts. Nuts created a sense of security, unity, and acceptance, which is everything missing from the 2016 election.
Harambe is also on the ballot with an unofficail slogan of "Dicks out for Harambe."
With potential/former campaigns from J.R. Smith, Harambe, and Deez Nuts, does it ever cross our minds that we may be focusing our time on the wrong candidates? Regardless of so, whomever you choose to vote for, remember to accept opposing opinions and respect them, as humans can always use more love and acceptance. Oh, and also remember to vote on election day, which is Tuesday November 8th. Or was it Monday November 28th?!
Ball’s in your court America.
