Alright, so I may have mislead some people with my title here. We can’t exactly vote for compassion, and this article has little to do with the 2016 Presidential Election. However, in light of this very complex time of year with the political climate heating up, I think it’s vital to be reminded of how our small-scale notions can ‘Make America Great Again’.
It takes such small steps to make the world (including America, yes) a better place & to create a happier lifestyle. Yet we carry on, pressuring ourselves to be in a rush to get to the future. Rarely are we present and focusing on what’s happening now. In my very first article for Odyssey, I discuss this further. We’re in line to grab a coffee, thinking about the quickest route to make it to class, where we’re going to park, where we’re going to sit in class, worrying that we didn’t do the right reading for class, and so on, blah blah blah. Yes, it is good to anticipate and plan for things. However, our lack of living in the moment is what makes our exchanges out in the real world seem so unenjoyable. Maybe your exchanges in public are in fact enjoyable. If so, pat yourself on the back because maybe you’ve already learned this lesson. If not, read on soldier, read on. There’s still work to do in this chaotic world.
How One Single Exchange With A Stranger Can Change The World
“What?! Change the world? That’s setting the bar way too high!” - one may think. Please, let me break it down for you. Let’s rewind to that scenario I listed above. So, I’m in line to grab a coffee before heading into class. Phone in my hand, wallet open so as to be ready to pay when it’s my time, and I’m peering up at the menu of delicious drinks and sandwiches. Most of us have been here before. Now, in years and even months past, I wouldn’t have taken the time to become conscious of what was happening, where I was, and who I was there with. Instead, I would most definitely be absorbed in my phone, and in my own thoughts regarding the steps I would soon be taking to make it to class on time, etc.
But today I’ve learned to trust that I will get those steps crossed off of the list, and make it to class on time and prepared, just as I have for the last 17 years. I’ve worked pretty hard to be able to allow myself to give in to the moment and the current atmosphere I’m surrounded by. I remember how much I love being inside of crowded cafes, with the sights and smells of people diligently working with their cups of caffeine within an arm’s length of their laptops. By giving myself the time to be there, and nowhere else, my time has been more enjoyable recently.
We spend so much time out in the world, waiting for things. Especially while in line waiting for food or to cash out somewhere, it’s a perfect place to practice compassion. We don’t need to wait for some huge event to take place to start embedding these skills. For example, while you’re in line for something, take a second to let yourself make eye contact with someone and (if you’re feeling comfortable), maybe even say hello to them. Push yourself, if you’ve never before, and ask the barista how their day is going. You’ll not only make their day, but you’ll feel better too, knowing you’ve made a connection. It’s a lot like paying it forward. Sometimes they give you a discount or some extra whipped topping if you’ve positively affected their day. And remember, as my Great Uncle Pat always says: “Be sincere, even when you don’t mean it.”
“But wait… Didn’t you say we were going to change the world?!”
Why, yes I did. I’ve explained how, too. In the smallest scale, sharing these moments that may seem meaningless could actually mean a lot. It impacts one person, who you reach out to and maybe share a smile with. In most cases, it impacts even more than one person, because there could be an onlooker who saw the whole exchange. It doesn’t seem like much, but these moments of shared humanity are what can make our minutes, our days, and even the rest of our lives happier.
“So… What if I look at someone and it gets really awkward.. Or what if they get mad at me for looking at them?!”
Of course this is bound to happen at one point or another. It’s a part of life. Don’t get discouraged - not everyone is open to sharing the same space or admitting that they’re human just like you. Keep on keepin’ on and remember this: We all put our pants on the same way in the morning.
A view of downtown Buffalo from Lake Erie.
Let’s wrap this bad boy up with a story. Thanks to these simple ideas above, I’ve had very meaningful and cool experiences in Buffalo recently. I followed these steps: (1) observe and feel out your surroundings, (2) stay present, and (3) don’t be afraid to say hello. Last weekend I went down to an area of Buffalo now known as Canalside. We’re lucky in that we have the lovely Lake Erie to watch sunsets sink while eating ice cream. Taking advantage of the nice weather, I was down there, watching the sunset. I was sitting with my best friend, quietly observing the commotion of people and dogs.
I watched closely as I saw a man of color offer to take a photo of a middle-aged white couple with their cell phone. They were struggling to get a good selfie with the sun behind them. The couple quickly moved along, speeding through their reply of “No thanks, we’re fine!”. They apparently did not want to be bothered. I continued to watch the scene unfold. The man of color followed them closely, proving his point that he meant no harm, and then he returned to his spot on the pier to watch the final minutes of daylight dissipate. The activist in me could not be silenced. I looked at Nick, and we agreed we would go say 'Hi' to this man.
We never got his name, but let’s call him Philly, since he wore a snap-back with Philadelphia on it since that’s where he was from. “How do you know where he’s from?!” - you may be wondering. Well, don’t be too shocked here… I took the brave chance of making eye contact and saying ‘Hello’ to this man. I approached him as he was taking photos of the sunset on his smartphone, and I asked if he’d like me to take his photo. Bashful, he politely declined my offer, but didn’t mind that we lingered to share the sunset with him.
The conversation that followed was so rich, I want to make it my duty in life to simply ask people if they want their photo taken by the lake. This man, Philly, was so wise and friendly. Looking back, I’m certain that our souls knew one another from somewhere else. We shared ideas about how lucky we are to have such a beautiful place to retreat to, to just contemplate life and de-stress in the glory of Mother Nature. Although I never got his name or a photo, I’ll never forget him.
If I wanted to, I could have been a bystander, sitting on my crooked concrete bench, thinking of how shameful adults are to one another. But instead, I stepped out of my comfort zone and ended up finding a friend that day. These experiences and many more that I’ve soaked up with this mindset have been shaping me to be who I am.
Now I’m not saying you have to spend every God-forsaken moment trying to say ‘Hi’ to everyone you encounter. I’m not saying we should ignore our phones and only live in the present. I’m saying that in small doses, with thoughtful practice, we can make living and breathing on Earth more enjoyable with small acts of kindness. Whether you decide to stand idly by or not, whether you vote for Trump or Sanders, whether you put pants or a skirt on in the morning, try to remember that we’re all human. We share the spaces we live in, in many ways. It’s not the world that this idea of saying ‘Hello’ demands from you, it’s just the sake of humanity that’s at stake.
