Let’s not feed around the bush here: America has certainly seen better days. Don’t get me wrong; I understand how lucky I am to be a citizen of a country that millions of people have died trying to reach, but really? I know that I could have it a lot worse, but there are literally killer clowns running around. We are in some strange post-apocalyptic hellscape, led by the demon overlord himself, Donald Trump. OK, maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but am I really?

The strange thing about all of this is that I’m watching it from the sidelines. When I left the country about a month ago, I knew that, with everything from police violence to domestic terrorism and beyond, it had already been a rough year for America. Still, I had hope that some things would work themselves out while I was away. I knew that, technically, that evil, small-handed, racist, sexist nightmare of a human being was still highly in the running for the nation’s highest office, but I figured that, eventually, people had to realize how ridiculous that was. Surely it would all fizzle out while I was away and I would come back to a flawed, but functioning nation.

Yet there I was a few weeks later, registering for my absentee ballot like it was the only hope I had for survival, secretly planning a way to hide out in the hillsides of Italy, just in case anything got even worse. I couldn’t believe that it had come to this. I always knew that I was going to vote from abroad, but never before had I actually felt like it was a life or death situation. Okay, that might be a little dramatic too, but I can genuinely say that I am scared to death of Donald Trump being my country’s president. Even more than that, I’m scared of the people that would put him there.

It seems like week after week there is some new headline that makes me believe that this has to be the end to Trump’s campaign, but it never is. In fact, it just seems like he keeps getting more fans. Recently, I thought that Trump’s comments about the weakness of soldiers suffering from PTSD would be the final straw, but he still remains a serious candidate. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought that a very clear misunderstanding of the concept of mental illness mixed together with a gross disrespect for the people who defend our country should be enough to finally disqualify Trump, but apparently not. Apparently, us Americans keep giving him a pass to do and say whatever ignorant things he wants without any consequences, and that just might be scarier than someone running around in a clown mask.

I don’t have any sort of easy solution here. The only thing I can say is that if you can vote, do it. Don’t let some maniac win just because you don’t particularly care for either of the candidates. I’m serious; your vote really does matter. Please, please don’t let me come back home to a clown-filled retelling of The Hunger Games. I know that America has always had issues and, likely, always will, but if we really try, we can make sure that it doesn’t get any worse. Hey, at least it’s a start.