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An Ode To Amazon

Thank you, Amazon.com.

Keegan McAdams

Dec 19, 2016

Western Washington University

Amazon

Firstly, I must honor one of the greatest benefactors to modern society, Jeff Bezos. Without him, we wouldn’t be blessed with the amazing gift we call Amazon.com. I would have no idea where to go to fill my own house and garage with random items, if not for his humble garage-based startup from where he shipped random items.

Amazon.com is, and always will be, there for you. When it’s December 22nd and you need that last-minute Christmas gift for great aunt Betty, Amazon.com will be there. When you really want that pack of chocolate-covered insects but don’t know where to go, Amazon.com will be there. When don’t want to be seen by your friends, coworkers, or the public buying the Justin Bieber album, Amazon.com will be there for you. And when you can’t leave the house because your washing machine is broken and you’re out of clean underwear, the amazing Amazon.com will be there for you.

Living in the earthly world that we do as simple humans, it’s hard for us to show our gratitude to the shopping overlord that is Amazon.com. But fear not, Amazon.com has provided a way for us to give thanks. By blessing Amazon.com with a yearly gift of $99, we are able to get closer to Amazon.com and gain the title of Prime Member.

And being a Prime Member is more than just having a title (although honestly, that’s the best part). Although we’re are the ones giving thanks, Amazon.com gives us so much more. Amazon.com shows its appreciation by entitling us to discounted prices that subordinate users don’t have access to. No longer do we need to reach a $50 cart, often filled with lots of useless and extra items, to get free shipping. No! We can buy just one useless or extra item and receive not only free, but FREE 2-DAY SHIPPING! Praise be to Amazon.com!

As if Amazon.com’s gift of discounted prices and FREE 2-DAY SHIPPING to Prime Members isn’t enough, Amazon.com has found a way to make things better still. As a Prime Member, we have access to over 2 million songs. Just a few of the hits include the latest 'Kidz Bop 33" tracks and over five different versions of Led Zepplin’s "Stairway to Heaven." All of which are free, courtesy of Prime Music.

If you’re not much of an audiophile but more of a movie connoisseur, Amazon.com has you covered, too, with the eye-catching Prime Member service known as Prime Video. With this service, you’ll find free entertainment that will last for years. Amazingly, Prime Video is stocked with well-known shows, as well as those that Amazon.com has produced itself.

If you haven’t joined as a Prime Member, do so now. Pick up your phone and download one of Amazon.com’s apps. Thank Amazon.com in the only way we are able to do so -- with your wallet, and Amazon.com will thank you with Deals Of The Day, exclusive Prime Member services, and the benefit of knowing that they are there for you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Ode To Amazon

Thank you, Amazon.com.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

Who isn't stressing out over finals right now?

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