The best way I can describe living with anxiety is like having a battle inside your head. Cries, pain, fear, as well as bravery. The difference between a good and a bad day can happen all within a split second.
Some days you wake up and it's like the skies have cleared and there is peace at last. You wake up slowly and make your way out of bed. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and all your friends are cracking jokes causing you to laugh.
The usual stress appears but you can handle it...until one tiny thing sets you off. A change in plans you were excited for. A sentence by a peer sending the little confidence you had that day down to the floor. An assignment lowering your grade a few percentages. Or worse, no reason at all.
You just become down causing your chest to collapse within itself. You feel your brain start to become discombobulated sending the nerves in your heart to ache and tear at each other, and your lungs to stress causing you to nearly pant like a dog. Not knowing what started the war or why this is all happening when everything was okay makes things worse.
Is something wrong with me?
The voice in your mind begins to echo throughout your head and it nearly seems as loud as a devils roar. It begins to take control and suddenly you become numb. No sunshine, No singing birds. No getting out of bed that day. All you can do is lay there helplessly, sinking into your mattress hour-after-hour feeling heavier by the second. Ignoring the texts on your phone,
"If there's anything I can do just let me know." There's always those few loving friends that want to help, but you don't even know what you need. Nothing to talk about, just this feeling that's taking over my body. You struggle to look up and say a prayer and trust in His plan. But even praying can be difficult at times. So what do you do? Me? I hopefully try to cry.
Let it out. Let the war end its battle. Let every feeling good or harming flood out of my mind through my tears, and remember that each day I get out of bed knowing the war is getting worse, remember that each good day that turns into a meltdown, I am brave. Because though no one else knows, I am a warrior fighting battles every day.
