This month has been filled with ups and downs for me--mostly downs. I've been less motivated to write or do anything but work, hang out with my friends and be extremely lazy. Aside from working and being a mom, everything else just makes me so much more exhausted. Anxiety and stress alone are exhausting. I often find myself in a panic. Throughout the each day, I have to constantly remind myself to breathe. Just breathe.

A whole new worry has introduced itself to my life recently. I can't shake the feeling of never having to go through the ins and outs of hell before I can be completely happy for just a day.

It's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Life throws obstacles and it's up to me to get through them. I'll take the beat-down if it means a greater, beautiful outcome in the end.

This past weekend, I had an opportunity to take a walk down the city streets of Queens, New York. I needed those few hours to recollect and find some peace again. I love visiting family but I still had the urge to do my own thing, especially since I was away from the busy home life.

As I was walking, I came across a small shard of glass on the concrete. It looked like it had been kicked around by fast-paced walkers for years. The edges were smoothed out and the face of the glass had gone from shiny to dusty. It reminded me of the sea glass I used to decorate my sandcastles with as a kid. For the rest of the day, I couldn't stop thinking about sea glass and how beautiful those nature-and-man-made mementos are... even though they started off as forgotten garbage.

The deeper I thought about it, the more I felt calm and collected. Suddenly, I felt like I could write again.

I had a purpose.

I was needed for just a short time

before I was tossed away

without being given a second chance.

I was snatched by the shallow tips of the water.

It dragged me into the current.

I floated back and forth like a confused, ill-tempered child

until I hit a line of rocks.

I shattered and the pieces of myself grew

further away from each other.

I was lost.

What purpose did I have then?

I was tortured by the sea,

broken and worn by rough surroundings.

Too many years have gone by

and I had forgotten who I was.

I hoped to be saved by the shore.

Oh, how I had hoped

because I couldn't save myself.

I was in too deep.

I reached the sand unexpectedly

after almost giving in.

I felt the warmth of the sun.

It was like the first time that I had felt happiness

I wait for someone to find me--

for someone to admire my tethered beauty

and find happiness because of me.

That is my purpose now.