Babies are such an amazing thing. Everything about them is fascinating; their little fingers and toes, their coos, their curiosity, and their reliance on us. I am always so happy for my friends and family when they announce that they are expecting a bundle of joy. Just please forgive me if I don't seem happy at first, because I am one in four.

Shortly after my birthday this year, I began cramping, clotting, and bleeding so badly that I couldn't even sit down and eventually everything hurt me. I waited a few days to try and let it pass since I just thought it was an extra bad period. My husband took me to the local urgent care and they sent me to a gynecologist, but everything was over by the time my appointment finally rolled around. My doctor later called me to tell me that I had been pregnant, but that I had lost it. I didn't ask for details. I didn't want them. All I knew was that I wanted more than anything to be a mom, and for a brief time I was, even though I didn't know it.

It's been almost eight months now, and I am just now telling people, my husband included. I didn't know how to process that, so I just didn't. Now I'm realizing that I should be ready to have a baby, but I'm not. It hit me like a wall. I don't know what the gender was, but I have a feeling that it was a boy. I didn't even get to hold him before God brought him back to heaven. I know that He had reasons, even though I may never know them.

I am one in four who has had to lose their precious angel. I don't want your pity when you think to tell me your great news, but I would appreciate yoru understanding. I am so glad that you get to embark on this journey, just keep in mind that every time someone makes this announcement, I have to remember that my journey ended before I even knew it had started. You get to hold your baby on Earth, but I'll hold mine in Heaven.