This past summer, two of my friends got married. My brothers are both planning on getting married soon. Rings keep popping up on my Facebook and engagement pictures are everywhere. I am twenty years old and in a relationship. This makes people assume that I have started thinking about marriage. Let me be honest, the idea of marriage terrifies me. There is no way I could get married any time soon.
Don't get me wrong; I love weddings. I love the idea of growing old together.I have dreamed of getting married my entire life and yes I do have a Pinterest Board filled with ideas. I am the biggest hopeless romantic that has ever walked the earth. I love all of it, but that does not mean that I am ready for marriage. It means that someday, far in the future, I can experience my own wedding. But I can guarantee you, that I will not get married until I am truly ready for marriage. If I am completely honest, I am not ready for marriage because I am too selfish to get married. I do not want to sacrifice any of my dreams for someone else. I have so much that I want to do before I think about settling down.
I am going to finish my education. I want to grow in my knowledge for myself so that I can be the best version of myself. I am going to travel. I do not want to have to worry about my husband every time that I am away from home. I am going to live alone. I want to learn how to take care of myself. I do not want to be that person that gets married and then finds out that she cannot stand on her own two feet. I am going to be a puppy mom. I want to learn that I can be responsible for someone else in my home. I am going to have a job. I want to have a job that I love and a job that makes me happy. I am going to be content without being married.
I know it sounds awful and I seem super selfish, but I do not want marriage to be something that I just check off of my checklist. I want it to be something that I am ready for. I want to be the best version of myself and the best wife that I can be for my husband. I want to know that I am the best person that I can be before I start my family. My future family deserves the best and in order for me to be the best for my family I need to do what is best for myself.