I am an emotional being, but I am not my emotions. This simple but powerful phrase has been lingering in my mind for quite a while now. As someone who feels a lot, it’s easy to get stuck on my emotions and to allow them to define me. It’s all too simple to feel a certain way about something and determine those emotions as ultimate truth and reality. However, God has revealed to me recently that the feelings I have do not have the final say as to who I am. At the end of the day, I am in control of what I think, say, and do – not my emotions.
As I’ve grown up, my mom has always told me that other people are not in control of how I feel. Essentially meaning that just because someone said something offensive or hurtful does not mean that I have to be offended or hurt. I have full choice over how I respond to the way other people behave towards me. Therefore, in my household, “But she made me mad!” was not a sufficient excuse for harmful words or actions toward someone. It’s always been made known to me how important it is that I am able to discern an appropriate response apart from my emotions.
However, given that I am very much a feeler, this hasn’t always been easy. Throughout my life, I have been constantly faced with the challenge of separating my emotions from the choices I make. Not that every decision requires this effort – some are best made based on emotions – but it is a conscious task for me when it is necessary. I have to deliberately assess what has been said or done, how it makes me feel, why it makes me feel that way, and then whether or not I will respond based on that emotion. But, going through this process doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the emotional high kicks in and I react out of anger, excitement, or whatever other emotion I feel without determining if that response was the most appropriate. It is in these times that I have two choices – blame my emotions or own up to my actions.
In most cases, it is easier to divert the blame to my emotional state rather than to my lack of control over my own response. Whether it was an unnecessary comment, raising my voice to an absurd level, or even having gone so far as to lash out physically, sometimes the best excuse seems to simply be that my emotions had been messed with. All too often have I found myself defending my behavior with, “I was just so upset!” as my strongest argument. As if somehow my emotions magically take away all personal responsibility, right? Wrong. No matter how much I try to justify my actions based merely on how I felt in the moment, it will never hold much weight. I am in control of what I say and do no matter how intense my feelings may get.
Fortunately, I also have the option to own up to my actions. Recently, I have had to adjust to being back under my parents’ roof after being under my own (sort of) while at college. At school, there is no one holding me accountable to making appointments, getting my homework done, or managing my time. However, my mom now plays this role while I’m at home. I actually have someone asking me, “Have you done (insert responsibility) yet?” When I first had this question posed to me after coming home, I was utterly insulted. I felt as if she didn’t think I had the ability to take care of my responsibilities even though I had just spent 9 months doing exactly that. I reacted based on this feeling and ended up responding in a negative way. It would have been easy to say, “I had every right to be rude to her! She insulted me!” and avoid taking personal responsibility.
Almost immediately after answering back poorly, though, it became clear to me that she was just trying to help. She was simply being a mom and wanted to make sure I was taken care of. It was I that allowed what was said to stir my emotions and then translated that into a negative response. Yet, upon realizing the reality of the situation, I was able to apologize for my unnecessary response. I didn’t want my temporary feelings to define who I am. Therefore, it was vital that I own up to my initial reaction. I have the ability to choose not to let my emotions define me, even if they do take control at times.
Over time, I have learned the value and importance of taking personal responsibility for my emotions and the actions that result from them. At the end of the day, no one can make me feel a certain way. They can inspire an initial emotion, but I have the final say as to whether or not I allow that feeling to stick around. I can choose to not give the situation any power over me and instead, act out of reason, forgiveness, and love. However, if I do let it stay and then act based upon it, I have to be responsible enough to own up to my actions as my own – not my emotions’. My emotions may play a huge role in my life, but I am not a slave to them. I am an emotional being, but I am not my emotions.
