Constant apologies and mumbled I love yous became normal between us.
Apologies were like my hello. Never did a conversation start without me apologizing for out last one. I apologized every time you didn't like how my hair was thrown on top of my head in a bun after a long day of work. I'd apologize after you ignored my texts, so I would call you to make sure you weren't standing on the side of a bridge. I'd apologize for apologizing too much. I started to become sorry for loving you.
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Everything I did was a mistake and I quickly learned that I wouldn't do anything right. The way I would bring you your favorite food after a rough day with your family was just never enough, I am so sorry. The way I would reassure you when you were feeling down was just too sappy, I am so terribly sorry. The way I would let you rest your head on my chest when you needed comfort was just way too affectionate, let me make it up to you. The way I stuck with you through all your fuck-ups, cheating, and lies were just too damn pathetic, I am so sorry for that.
BUT,
I am not one bit sorry for walking away. I am not, in the slightest bit, sorry for forgetting all the love I had for you. I can't quite apologize for not feeling an ounce of sympathy for you. I don't respect any fiber of your being, and I won't make that up to you.
I learned that I became sorry for existing. I apologized for caring about you, being with you, and wanting happiness for you. My whole being became one big apology and I blame you for that. You took a confident, happy, brave girl and cut her down to her knees and made her beg for acceptance. You took the light out of her life and used it to light up your own.
I am not sorry for realizing that I deserve damn more than you will ever be.
