Well, Valentine's Day is right around the corner and I, like many will probably be spending that holiday with some girlfriends that are single and maybe a nice glass of wine. I have never had a problem with spending the holiday like that although I do often complain about being single to my best friends. Ask them, they have stories and more stories about me.

I have been single for many years and it has always come in stride to me. I have learned how to handle my own, fend for myself, focus on my friends, and focus on my family. However, I am still allowed to want a relationship. I am still allowed to want romance. I have learned however that there is a fine line between a healthy relationship and just being in a relationship to not be lonely. Since I have seen so many relationships come and go with so many people, I have learned that it is okay to have higher standards and to be picky.

Have my choices of pursuits for possible boyfriends always been perfect? Hah, not whatsoever. I still was making poor choices up until November when I finally received a huge wake-up call from my best friend. She stayed up with me for a couple of hours while I cried my eyes out and kept asking why I was never enough for a certain guy. It wasn't that I was not enough, it was the fact that I was too good for him. I am a woman of substance, immense value, and I have a heart of gold. I drop the world for anyone who is in my life and I do my best to take care of everyone I know. This isn't to sound caddy or shallow, it is the fact that I know my own self-worth.

I am allowed to want a boyfriend. I am allowed to want all of the cheesy nuances of a relationship. However my expectations do not come from the movies or from things out of a storybook, they come from what I have learned from my friends and my family. I never really knew how to pursue a relationship with my senior year boyfriend. I dealt with many things that were trivial and immature for quite some time. Since dealing with such small things, I was always so scared to mess up any potential prospects that I might have had for a relationship.

One reason I find myself being so independent of relationships is so many often seem vanity or item based. I see examples of people dating someone who quite literally believe the exact opposite idea which they think. But the person they are dating is photogenic and gorgeous, so it makes it okay. I can tell you numerous horror stories of how partners have been unfaithful in situations like these. Also when partners expect or demand things out of their significant other. It can range from a certain purse all the way down to food. Men don't have to pay for your meal. MEN DO NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR MEAL. Although it is very kind and generous, please do not be offended if they don't. They still like you just the same but they might be struggling just to take care of themselves.

This learning process has taken many years. However once I finally took away my focus from wanting a relationship to focusing on myself and my own growth, I truly know what I want now. Many of you are probably thinking that I have this long list since I said I want cheesy nuances and romantic things. The difference is, as much as I would like all of those things, I am not going to chase after them. These nuances can be sweet gestures like flowers or things of that sort. However, I expect nothing of extravagance. I just want simple things.

There is no crime in wanting a relationship while being an independent woman. You can want to watch that cheesy romance flick for the third time with your boyfriend. You are allowed to want sweet gestures such as a surprise or a small gift. However, do not ever expect things as part of a relationship. A relationship stems from a friendship and that can often be the most wonderful thing. I don't look at all of my male friendships as possible relationships. It doesn't help anyone. I do however continue to enjoy time with my friends and family. I do what I want and I take care of myself. I am independent but I am allowed to want a relationship. I am allowed to want love and romance. I however, will never stop my life just to find a relationship. When the time comes, an independent man will find me.