We all know the story. Smart, studious, mousey high school girl graduates and comes to college; she timidly enters her first college party and upon discovering the red Solo cup all hope is lost and suddenly she falls off the Dean’s List. But I can’t say that’s my problem, or the problem of many other intelligent men and women I know. So why is it that so many of us are settling for B’s and C’s in classes where we have the potential to get A’s?

Since leaving high school, my study habits and daily routines have changed quite a bit. I’ve always been someone who likes to be involved and I’ve always cared a lot about putting my all into everything I do. This setup worked well for me in high school, but the further I’ve gotten into college the less effective it becomes, and I don’t mean just in terms of grades.

The more I study, the less I remember. Each time a professor asks me about projects that I’ve done in previous years, I groan under my breath because I honestly can’t remember the titles, and I only vaguely remember the topics. Some days I’ll have quizzes on homework readings, and although I’ve done the readings, I can’t remember the content for the quiz. It makes me wonder how I could put so much work into things that I do not remember after a year, let alone a few days later.

I used to read for my own enjoyment, and I try to when I’m on break, but during school it’s very hard to find downtime, and when I do it’s difficult to spend it away from people and not use it to sleep. I spend hours reading textbooks and other scholarly content, and yet there always seems to be more to read. I feel guilty for picking up a pleasure read when there is still more peer-reviewed articles to be read, despite the fact that my eyes are simply seeing words and not retaining their meaning.

There are too many things to focus on. Extracurricular events, test dates and project deadlines, sorority commitments, tasks at work—there are thousands of little pieces of responsibility bouncing around inside our brain cells and being scrawled across planners. It’s a miracle that we, the overextended students, have any cells and pens leftover to actually take something down in our notebooks or to remember the concepts we have written down on flashcards. We really do care, but it would seem that 24 hours are not enough for some. Does prioritizing say more about my intelligence than grades? That’s what some say. Those that point fingers at me and say it is my own d*mn fault if I can’t handle all that I put on myself, in a society where free time equates to laziness.

But where does that pressure come from? It’s the same pressure that makes me feel bad that despite my best intentions I won’t get an A in my sociology class. It’s this pressure that convinces me that without a 4.0 and Nobel Peace Prize, all that I’ve achieved won’t get me into graduate school. It’s the pressure in the back of my mind when I go to an event like Take Back the Night to support survivors of rape, or out with my friends just to relax away from campus for a few hours, despite still having homework because the paper trail never ends.

It comes from the confusion awakened in an institution where you pay large sums of money to “get an education” signified by a degree, that only accounts for the classes you’ve taken and not the other life lessons that will more than likely come in handy. And when those lessons such as leadership, duty, determination, friendship, justice, philanthropy, and courage, which are meant to compliment academics, get in the way of scholarship, then your values are suddenly at fault in the eyes of your institution. Now, instead of being considered well-rounded, you are just making excuses. But if you try to make the excuse that you have stacks of homework when explaining to a campus organization that you can’t make an event, homework is not a valid excuse. Professors and organizations alike tell you to find the magical balance just as long as you’re sure to put them at the top of your ever-growing to-do list. Invisibility is encouraged over transparency in student life.

Oh, and if that other person can seemingly find that balance, why can’t you? You both have homework, obviously, if he can do it, so can you. Your education is for you, so don’t be selfish and take some free time to read a book of your choice; you need to focus on that degree so you can help yourself and others after you graduate. Participate in community service; it’s only a “no-no” if it gets in the way of your studies, otherwise you're helping yourself and others, which is just a bonus of being at college, not the main goal. If it’s not relevant to your grade and graduation status, then what reason do you have for participating? Make a life for yourself if you have the time, but if there’s not enough time, just make sure your grades reflect effective study habits. If they don’t, you have failed to do the job you are paying for, but bear in mind you will fail to get the job you apply for if you don’t have other activities on your resume.

I don’t have the answers for my questions that arise from pressure and confusion, and that makes me feel dumb. I may very well be so, for having fewer answers than I started off with as a freshman. Perhaps my ratio of questions to answers just differs so significantly that it indicates that I am actually more intelligent for asking these questions. Is college just a continuous Topsy-Turvy Day where the smart feel dumb, and the dumb think they are so smart? They say, “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything;” but if you stand for many things, that may also lead you into the abyss. If I am dumber for making my next move, which is my next mistake in the eyes of someone else, then I am not alone, and this goes from a personal trouble to a public issue.