“I know that feeling. You have to do something. You have to change something radically, because you can’t stay like you are for another second, or you’re going to explode,” (Jennifer Echols).
I am disgusted. I am disappointed. I am tired. I am ENRAGED.
I am disgusted that we live in a society that allows victim blaming, therefore enabling rape.
I am disappointed that we live in a society that allows victim blaming, therefore enabling rape.
I am tired that we live in a society that allows victim blaming, therefore enabling rape.
I am ENRAGED that we live in a society that allows victim blaming, therefore enabling rape.
As a college student, this type of society is so influential in my daily life. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, one American will be sexually assaulted every 98 seconds. In the time that it took you to get this far in this article, a fellow American was sexually assaulted. The same website also provides the statistics that “females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault” and “women ages 18-24 who are college students are 3 times more likely than women in general to experience sexual violence,” (RAINN). Now, you may ask, what is the average? The average is that one in six American women is the victim of attempted or completed rape. Men, unfortunately, are also victims of rape. (I say unfortunately to the point that NO ONE should be raped). The average rate for men is that one in 33 are the victims of attempted or completed rape. Males aged 18-24, however, are five times more likely to be a victim of rape or sexual assault. (RAINN). These numbers are ridiculously high. (It is also important to note here that these statistics are based on reported rapes. Out of 1,000 rapes, 994 rapists will walk free.) While there are many different aspects that go into such an absurdly high rate (rape culture, pressure to not report rapes, low incarceration rates, our sexual education system, etc.), I want to focus on something that is primarily of interest to me as a college student. Throughout this article, I will be discussing mainly the combination of drinking and rape. Throughout my college career, I have heard countless stories of someone who was drunk to the point of blacking out, figures out in the morning that they had sex, and he/she has absolutely no memory of what happened. I do not condone drunk sex. I am so absolutely against drunk sex, which I will provide my opinion on throughout this article in a series of arguments. When I hear this sort of story, I have also heard so many statements that serve one purpose: to victim blame. This is absolutely a result of the society that we have been educated and raised in, but it is not too late to change that. This is a story that I wish I never had to hear again. By providing this argument against drunk sex, I hope that you are able to consider my opinion and act the best way you believe in. Now, I will begin sharing some of the statements I’ve heard in response to this story and I will also share why I believe them to be so damaging and incorrect.
(For the purpose and ease of this article, I am going to hypothetically speak from an “I” and “you” standpoint, rather than “he/she” or “they”.)
“You were asking for it.”
Yep. I have legitimately heard someone, who was brave enough to share their story of their victimization, get the response of you asked for it, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think there’s a single person in the world who is asking to be raped. Rape is a terrible, cruel circumstance that will follow people throughout their lives. Nobody wants to be raped. Period. By making this sort of statement, it implies that the person deserves to be raped. No one, absolutely no one, deserves to be raped.
“You shouldn’t have drank so much.”
Okay, sure. Maybe people are not meant to drink until the point that they get blacked out, but it happens. Yes, I have the responsibility to take care of myself, and yes, it could be said that I am failing that responsibility if I choose to drink until I’m blacked out. This DOES NOT, however, mean that I deserve to be raped. Rape should not be some sort of “punishment” that can be handed out for people who drink too much. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website, “alcohol causes impaired brain function resulting in poor judgment,” (CDC). People who have been drinking are incapable of making the decision to have sex, even if they say that they wish to have sex. As a country, we have deemed so many things unsafe to participate in while drinking, why is sex not one of them? Drunk sex has a much higher chance of one or both parties not practicing safe sex. The moral of this point: don’t have sex with intoxicated people. I guarantee that people would rather have drunk hurt feelings than the horrific feeling of waking up in the morning and not knowing what happened.
“You shouldn’t have worn that.”
Nope. I cannot even begin to rationalize this one. Again, rape should not be some sort of “punishment” that can be handed out for people who are dressed a certain way. It is my body, I dress the way that makes me feel comfortable; no matter what I am wearing, it should not determine whether or not I will be raped.
“The drunk version of you wanted that.”
Again, I will revisit the idea that alcohol impairs brain function which results in poor judgment. An intoxicated person is incapable of making decisions. Being drunk does not equate to consent. It’s not that hard to tell when someone is intoxicated. If you were planning to have sex with someone and they seem intoxicated, don’t have sex with them. Even if they may say that they want it, they are not of sound mind to make that sort of decision. Being drunk means that someone may not understand the situation at all, so it is unfair to you, and more importantly, to them, to expect them to make that decision. If someone’s intoxicated, they may be incapable of saying what they really want, and are therefore unable to give consent.
“That’s an excuse for a decision you regret.”
Nope. As I’ve stated before, a drunk person is not in their sound decision-making mind. Being drunk does not mean consent. It is not a decision that was made by the victim, it was a decision made by the perpetrator.
This is a college level type of thought process regarding drunk sex. This was all victim blaming. Victim blaming directly enables rape, by placing blame upon the victim rather than the rapist. This is so detrimental to the victim themselves, and society as a whole. Currently, sex education is taught as “don’t get raped”, rather than “don’t rape”. Genuinely, I believe that’s where we’re failing as a society. We are letting so many people down by placing blame upon victims and making victims responsible for what happens to them. Nobody wants to be raped, nobody is asking to be raped, nobody deserves rape. Drunk does not mean consent. Because I choose to wear a crop top and jean shorts, or drink 5 beers, does not mean that I deserve to be raped. No one should be raped.
Above the college level, there is a national level that allows this type of mindset.
One example of this is within the media. Specifically, I am going to refer to the infamous Brock Turner case. Within this case, I am going to reference the statement his father made in a letter to the victim. “This is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life,” (Dan Turner). A steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action? For the rapist? He served three months in jail; this was not a steep price at all. The victim, however, has had to pay the ultimate price for his 20 minutes of action. The victim suffered endless damages that night that have the chance to impact her for the rest of her life. There were both physical and mental damages alike that could impact her forever; now, that is a steep price to pay. According to a study done by the Medical University of South Carolina, “almost one third of all rape victims developed PTSD sometime during their lifetime,” (Dean G. Kilpatrick). According to the same study, around 30% of rape victims experience at least one major depressive episode sometime in their lifetime. Within the same study, around the same amount (30%) responded that they had seriously thought about committing suicide. (Dean G. Kilpatrick). Those, are just a few examples of the “steep price” the victim had to pay for the 20 minutes of action. Rape is a situation that impacts people for the rest of their lives, it should be treated as such.
Another example of this national level currently resides in our President, Mr. Donald Trump. (I will not be commenting in this article on my thoughts of him as a President, nor will I be commenting on my thoughts of him as a person. If you wish to hear those thoughts of mine, you are welcome to send me a private message. Any comments or responses to this article should not be about Trump. If they are made, they will be unread and deleted as they do not align with my current purpose.) I understand that there are plenty of other people (other celebrities, presidents, etc.) who have exhibited similar behaviors, but I am choosing to focus on our current president as he has the most impact on our nation. Trump has served to condone sexual assault with the statement, “I’m automatically attracted to beautiful [women]- I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything,” (Donald Trump). His response to this? It’s locker room talk, everyone does it. Hmm… Nope. I can honestly say that not one single time have I or any of my friends conversed about our ability to sexually assault someone. This is NOT a thing that everyone says. The fact that he has okayed these kinds of comments directly impacts people’s beliefs, for the worse. Within the last year, Donald Trump has also created political change that directly impacts rape and rape victims. He reversed Obama era policies that attempted to deal with all sexual assault cases quickly, in an effort to provide more help to the victim. Trump, essentially, made it much harder for a victim to win a court case, and much easier for rapists to get away free. In a statement by Senator Patty Murray, she says, “"Secretary DeVos has once again ignored the pleas from survivors of sexual assault and instead has decided to weaken protections for survivors and guidance for schools to investigate their claims…This harmful step in the wrong direction may cause survivors of sexual assault to go back into the shadows, allowing predators to continue to roam college campuses and the epidemic of college sexual assault to spread." (Patty Murray). Once again, Trump has enabled rape. Someone like Trump, who has the ability to impact so many people, can change an entire country’s mindset. In this circumstance, we see him condoning rape culture.
To me, this topic is so, so important, and so overwhelmingly quiet when it comes to discussions. It is time that we come together and try to change this rape culture. As with the movement, time’s up for rapists. We, as America, have to become better.
I am disgusted. I am disappointed. I am tired. I am ENRAGED.
“She has been feeling it for awhile now- the sense of awakening. There is a gentle rage simmering inside her, and it is getting stronger by the day. She will hold it close to her- she will nurture it and let it grow. She won’t let anyone take it away from her. It is her rocket fuel and finally, she is going places. She can feel it down to her very core- this is her time. She will not only climb mountains- she will move them too.” (Lang Leav).
