For those of you who know anyone who suffers from Alzheimer's disease, you know what a toll it takes on that person, their family and everyone around them. You have to take care of them day in and day out not because they forgot where they put their shirt or they forgot to get milk that week. It is so much bigger than that.
In the beginning stages it may be that they are forgetting little things, like what they ate that day or them wearing the same shirt a couple days in a row. Nothing harmful though and nothing a good laugh won't solve.
They may seem them become very quiet in the beginning stages. Why? Because they know that they are losing their minds. They simply don't want to embarrass themselves in front of everyone. They know that they should remember what they ate earlier and they know that they should remember the name of their past cat-but guess what, they won't and they most likely never will.
But as this disease progresses and destroys more and more of the brain, these patients eventually forget how to do innate tasks like talking and swallowing.
Eventually their joyous laughter gets stifled with confusion because they don't understand the jokes anymore. Their happiness is often traded in for fear because they don't know how to communicate anymore. And more importantly their familiar embrace is now one of the past for they do not recognize you anymore. You aren't their grandchild, their daughter, their husband or wife-you are a stranger.
My grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease about six years ago. Although you can't technically diagnose someone with Alzheimer's until you do a brain autopsy, doctors are able to put this label on patients based on their signs and symptoms such as memory loss.
So how did we know that there was something wrong with my grandma? Well it all started when my she took my six year old cousin to get pizza a couple blocks down the road. They hopped in the car with plans of bringing two large cheeses back for the rest of the family to enjoy. Except they didn't come back. My grandma drove around the center of town, confused, lost, scared for nine hours. Nine hours. Ever since then, it has only gotten worse.
The only good part about this disease progressing is that now my grandma doesn't know that what she's doing is off or weird or that she has already asked me that question five times. She doesn't feel embarrassed or dumb anymore and trust me it is so beautiful to see.
One time when we went out to dinner and she decided to get the salmon. When the food arrived she ate the whole thing like a sandwich, no fork, no knife and she couldn't have been happier.
So although it is hard to admit that I do not know my grandmother as well as I did and she does not know me as well as she once did, I must take every moment for what it is and appreciate them even if she doesn't.
And although it is hard to admit that she will never look at me and say "I'm proud" because she doesn't even know my name, I have to remember the times that she was and know that she would be if she could.
Alzheimer's disease is heartbreaking not only because there is no cure, but because that person, that loved one, is gone long before their funeral.
So if you do know someone with Alzheimer's here is what I want to leave you with:
- It is not their fault so try to be as patient and kind as possible.
- Everything you do counts even if they don't remember it 5 minutes from now.
- Appreciate and love every moment you had with them and are going to have.
- They are just as scared as you are.
- Don't give up on them because they wouldn't give up on you.
