Whether you have friends who could get lost in a grocery store or if you are the friend who gets lost in a grocery store, here are some things to keep in mind about the directionally challenged.
1. Our GPS is a pagan god.
If you know anything about Norse, Greek, Roman or (almost) any other mythology, you'll recall that the gods are ultimately fallible and fickle, but still imbued with some unearthly wisdom and power. In Homer's "Odyssey"the goddess Athena basically tells the titular hero to suck it up when he calls her out on being unreliable with her divine aid.
Likewise, we treat Google Maps as a blessed oracle and our GPS with careful reverence. When that British accent tells us to drive off a cliff or takes us to a cornfield instead of the mall, we meekly accept our what has been given. Paranoia will demand that apologize profusely should we ever curse its negligence, gnash our teeth at the lies or shake fists at the malicious humor hidden beneath a knowledgeable facade.
2. Cardinal directions are a mystery to us.
When giving directions, use only basic terms like left, right, middle and straight. Concepts like "east" and "west" are beyond us, unless it's sunrise or sunset and even then we'll get it wrong 50 percent of the time. Never expect us to properly identify strange half-breeds like "southwest" or "northeast." On the bright side, I'm told it is nice party entertainment to ask the directionally challenged friends to point to north. This is something people with reasonable spacial skills understand intuitively, almost like an inborn instinct. To those who are less enlightened might fare about the same as a fish trying to climb a tree. It simply won't work.
3. We're used to being lost.
Getting lost as often as I do, I've seen the delay between realization and panic steadily expand. When I was younger tears pricking my eyes and a wild heartbeat leaped out almost as soon as a I realized I couldn't find my way back to something recognizable. Nowadays I can wander, muddle, retrace my steps and peer only somewhat anxiously a my map for a good long time before I become unreasonable. That's not to say it's always going to be less scary being lost than the time before, but coping does become easier.
I don't know if a knack for getting lost qualifies as some spatial dyslexia or points to some underdeveloped part of my brain. However, I do know that being directionally challenged means I'd like my friends to have a little patience with me when I open three closets before finding the bathroom. I know it doesn't mean I'm utterly unintelligent in other respects. And I know it means I'll always have some amusing stories to telling on road trips.
Also, when a directionally challenged person keeps nodding, smiling and saying they understand when you're telling them how to find Billy's house, they are almost defiantly lying.
