My name is Sydnee, and I am a serial monogamist.
I have been in a basically non-stop series of relationships that have spanned from six months to two years in length from the time I was in fifth grade. In fact, I have developed the habit of sectioning my life not by age or grade, but rather what relationship I was in at the time.
When I say this, or when people learn this about it, it changes the way they think of me.
If you met me, you probably wouldn't learn about all that stuff first. You would learn that I aspire to be a doctor. You would probably learn that I am quite bright, fiercely independent, and enjoy watching movies and watching animal videos. When I disclose those things, people usually talk to me about my classes, my future, or the most recent dog video going around.
But because you read about my relationship history first, you're not going to strike up a conversation about any of those things. You're probably thinking "fiercely independent" How is she independent when she has had one boyfriend after another?"
That mindset is part of the problem.
There is an odd dynamic that girls like me struggle with. We feel independent and are recognized as independent by some, but also feel the judgment of our choices from other people.
My being in a relationship isn't about the other person. It's about who I am with them.
Contrary to popular belief, girls like me walk around on the prowl for new boyfriends when things don't work out with the last one or if we aren't happy in our current relationship. I'm not trying to say that those girls don't exist, but don't assume that girls who are always in relationships are like that. Those girls aren't like me.
I have had the unlikely pleasure of finding people that make me a better person. There are some people that are able to identify flaws in themselves and work on them on their own. I applaud those people.
I, however, am not one of those people. My best academic motivation comes from my goals in life, but my best personal motivation comes from other people: my family, my friends, and the significant other in my life.
When you find someone who makes you a better person, having that person in your life is a no-brainer. So why do girls like me date them instead of just become friends with them?
There is a different type of intimacy in relationships compared to friendships. For the lack of a better comparison, it would be the reason you talk to your doctor, not your parents, about your sexual past. Your best friend is like your parent. They are going to love you conditionally and will understand and accept what you tell them.
Some people are comfortable confiding in their parents. I am comfortable confiding in my parents, but I'm not that comfortable. My doctor, or my significant other, as this labored simile is saying, is someone that you can trust with your secrets, despite not knowing them as well as your parent.
It's almost like it's their "job" to understand, but it's also that they know you in a different way than your parent, and they have a different perspective to offer.
Of course, there is more to the relationship than just self-improvement. But I would make the argument that it's one of the main things that draws two people together. Many people are seeking self-improvement.
Some find it in themselves, in art or music, their friends, or religion. But for some of us, it's in the company of others; people we think will be able to hold up a mirror to ourselves better than we could on our own.
It's difficult to explain, but I'm hoping I have offered some type of rationale for the actions of girls like me. But the thing is, I shouldn't have to. Because, most importantly, my being in a relationship isn't about the opinions of others.
