Throughout my entire life, I have lived in the ghetto, what you would call the “hood” or “Westside.” And, throughout my entire life I’ve always been weird and awkward about where I’ve come from and where I lived. I was never okay with saying I was from a certain part of Fresno that was not a good area, an area that people would deem me as being ultimately “ghetto” or “poor” for coming from that area. I never wanted to tell anyone where I lived or have people come over to my house because I was, in a sense, scared what people would think. I was embarrassed. I did not want people to think I was that black. And I never really knew what being that black was, I just knew I did not want to be it. Throughout my life, that has been a huge struggle for me. Everyone hears gunshots outside their window now; no place is considered the “ghetto” or the “Westside” anymore because Fresno is all the same these days.
I never really wanted to be called Ghetto because that was associated with people that were not like me. That did not “talk white,” like I’ve mentioned before. People who did not act like me. I used to be offended by people calling me Ghetto or even saying that I had some Ghetto in me. I used to think that was an insult. Something that I did not want to be ever in my life. What was Ghetto? I did not act like the people who were deemed as Ghetto. That was not me.
Until I realized that I was Ghetto. You can’t take the Ghetto out of the person; if you are from the Ghetto you are Ghetto—and that is whether you like it or not. Whether you have it 100 percent or 10 percent, you have it and that is something that you are just going to have to deal with and that is what I told myself. You cannot try and pretend you don’t have a quality of something that was born into you and you grew up with. There are times when you may need to have that quality and you wish you would not have pretended you did not have it your whole life.
I am coming to terms with my blackness, but, along with that, you also need to come to terms with everything that follows. Being poor and coming out that strongly and going to college is something hopeful. However, you always need to remember where you came from and where you are headed. Me being from the Ghetto and being Ghetto are where I came from and where I’m going to always remember where I grew up. I need to make sure that I am focusing on expanding that, not leaving it behind. Making sure that I remember that I am from here and I am going to always remember that I am here, but I am also going to strive for better.
My behavior and personality may have evolved from the Ghetto, but that is where I am from and that is where I say I am from. I evolved from the Ghetto and I’ve made it out perfectly fine and I can say that with confidence. But, I don’t deny that I am Ghetto anymore. I am who I am and denying that I am Black or I am poor is getting old. I am black and I am proud. Hell, I am a little Ghetto and I am proud. I am who I am and I am from the poor, and I am damn proud of that!
