I’m not going to lie, I did consider transferring out of Rutgers University and moving back home to Dubai. The first semester wasn’t as disastrous as I expected it to be but the homesickness was killing me and hearing words such as, “life is now meaningless without you” from my parents was heart-wrenching. At the same time, I felt somewhat hopeless about meeting people could form deeper connections with. I clearly felt like a fish out of water. I didn’t even feel safe enough to explore my surroundings given the horror stories I’d heard from those around me.

Winter break came around and I felt a strong desire to be back home for good when I parted ways with my family all over again at the start of the second semester. As I tried to hold back the tears, my mother suggested applying to a medical school in Dubai itself. Having already been rejected by the medical school twice, I didn’t have much hope of getting in the third time around but the desire to be close to home overrode anything else and so I applied.

The second semester started off with a bang. My schedule was as busy as it could get, leaving me with little time to think about home. I had submitted my medical school application and forgot about it completely until I was awarded an interview. I still didn’t have any hopes of getting in given that I had gone through this round of interviews twice already. Nonetheless, I took the opportunity as an excuse to see my parents again, even if it was only for 36 hours or so. At least I got the opportunity to say, “I went home for the weekend” just like my other in-state friends. As usual, I felt positive after the interview and my parents were extremely sure that I would be accepted this time around.

A few weeks following the interview, spring break came around… and turned my life upside down. I had signed up for an Alternative Break around New Brunswick with other students at Rutgers, curious to learn about the city I was currently residing in. As a somewhat introverted and highly self-conscious individual, I was anxious about how I would be able to get along with other members on the trip who were complete strangers to me at the time. All of this changed within a span of seven days. By the end of the trip, I found myself saying that I wanted to stay where I was and was more than happy to receive that third rejection from the medical school.

I can’t even begin to describe the lessons and experiences I learned over that week. It’s sufficient to say that I fell in love with New Brunswick and the people around me. I didn’t feel like a fish out of water anymore. Meeting people of diverse backgrounds, professions, cultures, and identities made me realize just how we were all alike yet different in our own ways. As an outsider, I had a completely different perspective on what the States were like. With words such as “superpower” and “advanced” floating around repeatedly, entering this country had become a sort of “style statement,” where people would envy one another if they had an opportunity to move to the States.

In my mind, the U.S. was a country that was already put on a pedestal and I had been overly anxious about interacting with Americans, afraid that I would soon be cast as a “misfit.” Little did I know that at the end of the day, we were all in the same boat. Time spent reflecting on the day’s experiences as a group had opened me up to a whole new world of perspectives, knowledge, and epiphanies that made me felt more like I was at home. It was no surprise that by the end of the trip I was snapping my fingers the American way to anything that was #Relatable.

It goes without saying that the friendships I had built over the trip were going to last a very, very long time and I am so grateful to have been with the people I was with over the week. It was unbelievable to see how we all worked so well together despite our unique and different personalities. Late nights of Cards Against Humanity, pies, and DMCs will never be the same without them. I’m so excited to see where their paths lead them to and all the amazing future endeavors they’re going to be delving into!

Spring break ended up with another round of tears. But this time, they were out of mere happiness than sadness. I was able to confidently say that Rutgers was exactly where I wanted to be. Everything went upwards from there; I was being given opportunities I would never have expected such as running to be a part of the Student Assembly even though I had zero experience with the organization. The drive emerged when I realized that other international students such as me definitely had a voice to be heard and I wanted to strive as much as possible to make this a home away from home for them. I was finally happy and content with where I was.

On the same day as when the Student Assembly election results were going to be released, I woke up to snoozing alarms in the morning before I read a message from my dad simply stating, “Your future is in the U.S.” My gut instinct told me that I had been rejected from the medical school. That’s exactly what had happened. A sense of relief washed over me as I suddenly felt excited about what my journey ahead at Rutgers had to offer me. I excitedly informed my friends here that I was staying and they were just as excited and relieved as I was.

That’s until…

I received another message. From my aunt in Australia this time. Snoozing my morning alarms again, I went to open the message, thoroughly confused by why she was congratulating me. I opened up my social media feed, half expecting to see my mum having posted something about me like she usually does if there’s exciting news to share. There was nothing. I called my mum to ask her why I had so many missed calls from her before I found out that I had actually been put on the waitlist for the medical school and was accepted, with barely a week to respond. Rather than being as excited as my parents were, I groggily and confusedly said goodbye, keeping the phone away before I lay back down against my bed, surprised at how unexcited I was at receiving this offer.

Just as I felt confident and secure of where I was, an unbelievably attractive opportunity of being close to home and achieving the career of my dreams came my way. The confusion was real. I had no idea where I truly wanted to be anymore. I felt like I was able to find my own niche at Rutgers with the stronger bonds and friendships I had made and organizations I had been a part of. Utterly torn by the decisions I had to make, I found myself being bogged down by the idea that this decision would potentially change the outcomes for the rest of my life.

After thorough discussions with professionals, friends and family along with time spent drawing repetitive lists of pros and cons; I had managed to make my decision. I had to take this opportunity and go to medical school if it’s what I wanted to do in the long-term. As much as it pained me to let go of the potential opportunities and experiences I was leaving behind, I realized that I had to do whatever was best for my future. Being 10 minutes away from the medical school means that I have the added benefit of living at home and being endlessly pampered amidst the stress of academics and challenges that come with medical school. This is especially advantageous given how close I am with my family.

At the end of the day, as cheesy as it sounds, my parents are the two individuals I trust the most in this world and if taking this opportunity allows me to be closer to them, I’m more than happy to take it. I can’t bear to miss another milestone in my parents’ lives just as much as they can’t bear to miss mine. To those who may oppose my decision, it’s important to understand that we’re all different and that we may want different things in life. For that reason, it is important to know and believe in yourself and follow your own desires, dreams, and goals regardless of what others might think of those decisions. You’re leading your own path. Nobody else can place themselves in your shoes so you do you. And be proud of yourself no matter what decision you take.

To me, I take my past experiences as a sign that I was meant to go where my future took me. Having lost out two years in the form of a gap year and transitioning into schools of different curriculums, I learned from my experiences and never believed that my time went to ‘waste.’ I needed to figure out where I was heading and this added third year of being in the States was exactly what I needed to be able to understand who I was and where I was headed. As settled as I was in choosing medicine as a career, I took my own time to figure out the path I wanted to take ahead. And nobody knows whether this decision is even right for me but I’ll never find out until I take the risk and try it out.

As I delve into my new journey of med school, I am extremely thankful for the tremendous love, support, and acceptance that I have received here at Rutgers from my friends, peers, staff, and faculty. I have formed some of the most incredible friendships here and I definitely hope to keep in touch with as many people as possible. To all my friends who are saddened by me leaving; know that I’m here to stay in your heart and I’m just a Skype call away. I love you and can’t wait to see what the future holds for you!